Are you introverted? I sure am. I am about as introverted as possible. Now, I have this technique to manage events with a lot of people and it maybe is not the best... When I am around a lot of people, my introvert brain tries to pull the old Over-Correct. Here is the scientific explanation of this condition.
The Introvert OvER-Correct
When faced with a situation where you are going to need to interact with humans, you must discretely hide your fear by being as loud and excitable as possible. This may however, cause people to think you are much drunker than you are. It's fine though, no one cares really, and you embarrass yourself sober anyways so it doesn't really matter.
Moral of the story kids is that interacting with humans is hard but if you fore yourself to do it every once and a while you will find a group of people to scream sing bohemian rhapsody and the fresh prince of bell air with and it will be great.
The perfect Sundae
4 Cups Vanilla Ice Cream
1 Tbsp Rainbow Sprinkles
2 Small Handfuls of Mini Chocolate Chips
1 Drizzle of Chocolate Sauce (Preferably that Hardens)
MASH TOGETHER AND SHOVEL INTO MOUTH
The Perfect Pizza
Cheese on top
Not too much sauce
COOK IT AND STUFF IT INTO MOUTH
THe Perfect Snack
Many Handfuls of Chips (flavour of your choice)
FILL HAND WITH CHIPS AND VIOLENTLY PUSH THEM INTO MOUTH
The Perfect Day
Quality Wifi and Working Computer
Unlimited Snacks Stocked
Well Behaved Dogs
Charged Cell Phone
Good Hair Day
Brain Full of Creative Ideas.
OBTAIN SNACKS, COMPUTER, PHONE, AND DOGS, SIT DOWN AND ENJOY.
Hello fellow socially anxious friends, I am here today to give you some much needed advice on how to make it in the world. Obviously I have done so and should share my wisdom. To keep it to myself has been my biggest flaw in life. Otherwise I am perfect.
Tip #1: Never Look People In The Eye. Always Look at their eyebrows. It shows DOMINANCE.
The best way to combat any looming anxious feelings is to make everyone else feel like there is something wrong with them. If people are worried about themselves, they won't notice the extreme amount of sweat dripping down your back and but crack.
TIP #2: Non-human Conversational Partners are A-Okay.
Find the dog, find the cat, find the hamster, find the computer, find the plant that looks especially wilted and you chat the hell out of it. People will think you are some kind of savant who can speak to the pets/plants, but really they just are the best crutch.
TIP #3: Get Really Good at Sneezing on Queue.
You know what no one wants? To catch your cold. You fake those sneezes, or better yet, coughing, and people will steer clear of your germs ass.
IF ALL ELSE FAILS, REMEMBER THAT EVERYTHING WILL BE OVER SOON BECAUSE THE WORLD IS BOUND TO IMPLODE SOONER OR LATER. THEN NO ONE WILL REMEMBER THAT TIME YOU DRIPPED CHEESE SAUCE DOWN THE FRONT OF YOUR WHITE SHIRT.
I have made a warning sign that I am going to create shirts out of:
That way people can't be offended when I slowly evaporate into the background and they find out that I just went home to sleep and read in bed.
I made this to help you better understand my mind or as I like to call it: The Nonsense Factory.
As you can see there isn't a lot of clarity or reliability in workings of my mind. It is pretty impressive that I have accomplished as much as I have right?
PS: Thanks Crystal for showing me canva.com as you can see I had fun.
I am an extremely fearful person. Thanks in large part to a diagnosed anxiety issue both of the generalized and social varieties. It is a thing I deal with an I do my best to make it jus ta small part of my life and not the defining characteristic. However sometimes you have to face your fears because someone you love very much needs you.
This weekend I did just that. I faced one of my biggest fears that I have had since I was a small child, all through adolescence and still haunts me to this day...
Now you might think that is a joke, but it is ia legtimate concern of my life. But when your 18 year old cousin asks you to come over and help her with her prom photos, you do it because you love her and because there is no excuses that you could come up with fast enough. (I am kidding Colleen, I would never use an excuse on you.)
I was required to photograph the youths in their formal garb and have them all look directly at me. Now any human looking at me is undesirable, but a group of rabid, hormonal, sweaty teens? Forget it.
I made the mistake of dressing for comfort instead of dressing for camouflage, wearing literally the brightest clothing I own. I also did not put the time or effort into my own personal appearance as I was focused on the hair of the lovely princess I was helping. All of these things may sound so unimportant to you dear readers, but it was a thing and a half for me.
However I made it through with minor damage, the youths did not bare their teeth or pull off the masks to reveal their bone crushing tentacle beards, but needless to say, I am mentally and physically exhausted today.
If someone cal go ahead and find a cure to social anxiety that would be real handy. I want to be able to help out my loved ones without being 100% worn out the next day alright?
Colleen, I sincerely hope you like your pictures, and hope your friends will immediately forget my existence.
NEST LOG: MAY 15 2016
It has been roughly two and a half days since I spent any significant time out of the nest. Each venture into the world feels less like I fit in there, and more like I should remain in my safe warm nest until time ends.
The nest has upgraded through the weekend, to include sustenance, beverages, and more pillows.
However each time I need to venture from the nest to obtain more supplies, I feel as though the world around me has shifted. It has become less welcoming, less inviting, and most importantly, less cozy.
My nest is the most safe space I have ever built. I have been surrounded by pillows, blankets and one scented candle that has been burning through the last two and a half days, creating an inviting scent that can be described as comfort.
I know the time nears that I must dissolve my nest and return to the real world, however I am not sure if I will be able to do it. It has been too long since I have seen another, too long since I have stepped outside, too long since I put on a bra.
Should I not return, know that the world is not safe. The world outside of the nest is not worth it, and I am only going back out there in hopes of finding a permanent nesting solution.
I wish you fellow nesters well,
Good luck in your journey.
I have never been one of those people who knew what they wanted to do since they were four years old. Instead I change my mind every couple of weeks and then quickly realize that it would be a terrible idea. Here are a few of the professions I have ever so briefly thought about getting into.
I enjoy driving, and I enjoy being alone. The main issue for this one is that I cannot stay awake that long when I drive. I have maybe an hour of good driving unless I am ingesting a large quantity of caffeine.
I like dogs, I hate people. This way I would spend most of the time with dogs. However I briefly did this on a small scale and let me tell you, the number of bitey dogs is high. You know what bitey dogs don't like? Being sprayed with a hose.
I actually went to school for this. Well, the start of the schooling process. I gave up really fast when I realized I would have to give a crap about other people.
Then I immediately realized children are tiny terror monsters that are essentially unruly assholes without the ability to know why everything they do is awful. Also, their hands are always sticky.
But then I remembered I cannot draw.
So I guess my options are ... jobs I won't enjoy while secretly plotting novels while I drive to the jobs I don't enjoy. Ahh 2016.. so much potential for disappointment awaits.
My social skills have hit a low they have not hit in quite a while. In the last couple weeks I have started counting time based on how many more humans I am scheduled to see.
I work in an industry where there is a schedule so I usually only have to interact with a set number of people per day (plus phone calls and potential walk ins) but for the most part I can estimate how many more people I have to have fake small talk, polite chitter chatter, and general niceties with. I have been needing some introvert alone time pretty badly lately, so it has become my new trick to make it through the day.
You look at the schedule, count out the number of people left to be nice to and then count down like you are sending a rocket to the moon, but really slowly and instead of a rocket to the moon its you to your sweatpants and bed.
I even left early from work today because I could no longer pretend to be nice to anymore humans. I have nothing left in me that can talk about the weather. I get it, it is cold and snowy. Yes, hopefully it will be warm soon. Yes I heard about the rain coming. Perfect, thanks I do look tired. Stuff like that just gets to you after a while when you are as introverted as I am.
So, as I retire to my sweatpants and bed, I bid you all a good day.
May your evening be quiet if you want it to be.
The majority of Sunday's activities shall be conducted in bed.
The only acceptable things to leave bed are: Eating, bathroom breaks, to find things to bring to bed to occupy the time.
One shall be allowed to shower on a Sunday should more than 48 hours has passed since their last shower, OR, if they have to work the next day and their hair is on a night showering schedule.
The follow activities are seen as acceptable Sunday activities: Netflix, Movies, TV, reading, napping, drawing in bed, writing in bed, petting dogs in bed, petting cats in bed, eating in bed. All other activities will be examined by a jury of your peers to see if they are worthy of a Sunday.
This proposition will be forwarded to your local representatives on Monday morning as no work is to be done on a Sunday. Make sure to vote this proposition through and make Sunday's as great as possible.