My brain is kind of fried trying to write this sample and query letter, so I was looking through my old drafts for something to spark some creativity. Enjoy! Man I miss having chips...
Texting with Winston the Pug.
Me: Hey buddy, whatcha doing?
Me: Don't fucking lie to me what are you doing?
Winston: Busy talk later.
Me: What the hell could you possibly be doing you live in the house and never leave unless I take you somewhere.
Winston: Dude, respect my privacy I am busy.
Me: We will see about that I will be home in three minutes and if you did something bad I will know.
Me: Almost home.
Me: On our street
Winston: Okay, I am not busy anymore but you should know someone broke into the house while you were gone and ate the bag of chips you left on the table. I tried to stop them but they were a lot bigger than me. They threatened to kill everyone I love so I had to let them eat the chips lest you be murdered.
Winston: I am not lying.
Me: Okay, sure I believe you.
Me: No you little shit there are probably chips stuck in your eyebrows.