I may not be very smart, I may not be very beautiful, but one thing that I actively try to be is funny. I say it like that so that I can pretend that if I really tried I could become as beautiful as Jennifer Lawrence or as smart as ... I am not even smart enough to make a smart reference. Shit. Okay well, back to the point: the only thing I actively hope to be is funny.
My kind of funny is usually the one making quiet jokes that don't make sense but people laugh at because they have been made to feel real uncomfortable by my unnerving glances. That is my jam. I don't tell elaborate stories that people recount to their friends, or if I do, they for sure aren't about me. My sweet spot falls into the sarcastic quips category that are only funny when delivered dead pan from someone funnier than me. Instead I laugh at my own jokes before I can get them out.
This is why I need a TV show. I have a fair amount of faith that I can be funny if I don't have to deliver my own goofs. Is that a valid excuse? Perhaps I am just not funny. That is a likelihood I would like to ignore.
The only problem with making people laugh (or at least attempting to) is that you then never really know if they are laughing at your jokes, or at your hair. (Or clothes, or face, or whatever else you happen to be having a panic attack about that morning). Is that just a problem for me? I guess there are people more confident then I who just don't allow themselves to think that someone would ever laugh at them for anything other than the joke they have just told, but in all honesty I don't think those people would be very funny. There is a certain amount of vulnerability necessary to making jokes. You have to essentially be on the verge of bursting into tears all the time and essentially just use humour as a defence mechanism.
At least that is what I will tell myself so that I can keep pretending that I can sometimes be funny.