Because I am a bizarre and kind of pathetic human being, I like to sit around in my spare time and watch youtube interviews and imagine how I would answer the questions being asked to the talented people.
Now, here is why it is sad: I have no talent. I will likely never be interviewed by anyone ever. Unless it is a report for some grade three kid who is somehow related to me as a weird distant cousin, no one is going to interview me because of my success - mostly because there is none to report on.
Now, we all know that TV is my life and soul and heart. I live for it and I love it. I enjoy watching TV more than I enjoy most things. I love TV and I love TV actors. I love TV so much that one of my life-long goals is to be involved in a television show. I used to think I wanted to act but given the delightful gift of Social Anxiety that is really not a possibility for me in the least. (Not to mention the total lack of acting talent but that is neither here nor there). Instead, I have realized I would love nothing more than to write a television show.
I want to write something great and funny that makes people happy. But the thought of this fictional show I have planned, always somehow circles back to me watching interviews of television casts and writers going on lovely late night shows. This is where I lose my nerve. Not only do I then realize that I have no talent for my desired position as a television writer, I also have no interesting anecdotes for my three minute slot on Jimmy Fallon.
Even worse than that, my biggest social anxiety issue that may seem trivial to you but actually causes me a serious amount of panic pretty much daily: What on earth would I wear. This is not a drill, I am legit concerned about what I would wear on a fictional and imaginary interview that will never happen because I don't even have a television show, let alone know how to write a script.
I consistently have panic attacks about what to wear to work, or worse when I have to go to a social engagement where pictures will be taken. Do you have any idea how terrifying it would be to decide on an article of clothing that you want filmed for plenty of people to see and have recorded and replayed on youtube by my fellow weirdos who love interviews?
I know this is a ridiculous concern because it is such a small chance, but it is also kind of my dream. I want to walk out onto the stage on the Craig Ferguson Show (he is my favourite, yes I know he is no longer the host but I love him so shut up), and have him ask me about the random thoughts in his mind. I want to listen to his dreamy accent (again, shut up, I can have celebrity crushes and you can have yours) and I want to discuss where I should go when I visit Scotland in the summer. The problem is, even in my most wildest dreams, I still end up picturing myself freaking out, sitting in a closet sobbing over a complete inability to chose something to wear.
Moral of this random story is social anxiety is a bitch and ruins my ability to get interviewed by Craig Ferguson because I have nothing to wear. Way to go.