Hello fellow socially anxious friends, I am here today to give you some much needed advice on how to make it in the world. Obviously I have done so and should share my wisdom. To keep it to myself has been my biggest flaw in life. Otherwise I am perfect.
Tip #1: Never Look People In The Eye. Always Look at their eyebrows. It shows DOMINANCE.
The best way to combat any looming anxious feelings is to make everyone else feel like there is something wrong with them. If people are worried about themselves, they won't notice the extreme amount of sweat dripping down your back and but crack.
TIP #2: Non-human Conversational Partners are A-Okay.
Find the dog, find the cat, find the hamster, find the computer, find the plant that looks especially wilted and you chat the hell out of it. People will think you are some kind of savant who can speak to the pets/plants, but really they just are the best crutch.
TIP #3: Get Really Good at Sneezing on Queue.
You know what no one wants? To catch your cold. You fake those sneezes, or better yet, coughing, and people will steer clear of your germs ass.
IF ALL ELSE FAILS, REMEMBER THAT EVERYTHING WILL BE OVER SOON BECAUSE THE WORLD IS BOUND TO IMPLODE SOONER OR LATER. THEN NO ONE WILL REMEMBER THAT TIME YOU DRIPPED CHEESE SAUCE DOWN THE FRONT OF YOUR WHITE SHIRT.