The lovely fellow that I share my home with tends to get injured quite regularly. I mean, the boy is recognized more frequently at hospitals by doctors than at grocery stores. And I mean, he is in those just as much. Needless to say, the boy is always bleeding from somewhere.
Right now he has this big wound on his arm and I think it has been there so long it has developed its own little mind. So much so that I think it might start talking to me soon. Here is how that will go.
A conversation with a Wound
Me: Man that is a nasty cut.
Wound: Hey, don't be so rude. You don't look that great either you know.
Me: Did you just talk to me?!
Wound: Yes, what's it to ya?! I am sick of you two talking about how nice it will be when I go away. How is that supposed to make me feel huh? Here I am just trying to make a name for myself and you and that goof whose arm I live on just jabber on and on about how much it sucks that I am in your life. Oh Boo-Hoo some of his clothes have blood on them, well you know what, THAT IS HOW I GET NOTICED OKAY! NOT ALL OF US ARE FIVE FEET WHATEVER TALL AND LOUD ENOUGH FOR EVERYONE ON THE BLOCK TO HEAR!
Me: To be fair, I can obviously hear you and you are being VERY loud. Also, I mean, this is going to sound rude but you were an accident.
Wound: Ya well, so were you. No one actually wants babies. That is a lie their parents tell them so they don't cry all the time.
Me: I know, that isn't a surprise to me. Who would want a baby? There are about as inconvenient as a BIG GAPING ARM WOUND!
Wound: Oh, very clever. Smarty pants thinks she's got me beat now.
Me: I don't think that at all, I just wish you would understand that while you are a very impressive cut, we kind of had hoped you would heal up already. But hey, you can leave a scar if you want! That's something right?
Wound: How would you like it if I said you could die right now but hey at least your ghost could haunt some poor chumps for a while? Not so great eh?
Me: Hmm.. well if you put it that way...
Wound: *sniff* All I wanted was to be noticed. Show you how cool and grotesque the human body really is. Had you ever seen the inside of an arm before? NO! Now you have and you haven't even thanked me.
Me: Well, Thank you, but I think Dave would like his arm to seal back up so he can stop worrying about really dangerous infections.
Wound: Well, I guess so. But is is okay if I come back another time? Maybe in a different location?
Me: Of course, Dave is real clumsy so I am sure we will see you in no time!
Wound: Alright, I will start packing up my things. It was nice to have this heart to heart with you.
Me: Yes, gaining an understanding of each other has been really enlightening. We will see you soon.
**NOTE**I mean, if you want to send me away to somewhere that you don't have to worry about me talking to people I would be okay with that. Just, make sure there is WIFI and unlimited ice cream. I understand I am a danger to society...