Today is the 4 anniversary of Winston being in my life.
4 years ago today I brought home Sir Winston Loo Dog Lewis Piggy Chauncey Snarf Monster Pugglesworth and he has been the main focus of my mind ever since .
The things I love most about him:
- Pretty much everything
The things I love least about him:
- He will never know the full extent to which I love his stupid face
(And i mean, sometimes he pees on stuff but mostly the other thing)
I think you should all follow him on instagram because I have become the kind of person who own a dog with their own instagram. I have accepted it so you should too.
So I made a thing and it was good. The problem is, now I want more.
At work, they kept making this "Bark" which is just melted chocolate but in ways that looks cute. SO, I had an idea. I have this weird addiction to Kinder Eggs. They are amazing.
I wanted to try to recreate the amazing treasure of a Kinder Egg so I melted white chocolate chips and slathered them onto a cookie sheet, then froze it. Then I melted milk chocolate and slathered it on the white chocolate and froze it again. Then I ate it and it was GOOD.
It needs a little bit of adjustment for the thickness of the white chocolate, but overall I am clearly a culinary genius. I would show you a picture, but as I already said, I ate it already. Whoopsies.
Highly recommend to all. Unless you are trying to eat better (as I am) then it isn't greatest idea.
There are dogs, and then there are good dogs. I mean, all dogs are good dogs, but there are a select few that are just the goodest of dogs.
What kind of grammatically incorrect nonsense is this? well, it is into incorrect at all. It is a concept we came up with at work the other day. Because all dogs are good dogs, how do you differentiate with those who are truly amazing?
They are the goodest.
Dogs like Jackson at work, who prompted this discussion, he is so lovely and happy.
Or Zuul the wiggly love monkey.
Or Noodle, the sassy lady.
Or Pess the particular princess.
Or Louis the tiny king.
Or Dresden the smart floof giant.
Or Varo the dorky dufus.
Or Winston, my lovely pug, he tries so so hard.
So many of the goodest dogs.
I love dogs, guys.
Like a lot.
Some say too much, I say no such thing.
I don't understand
When the kids in school became
Tiny, small, babies.
- A.K.A. Tanya sold her Bass Guitar to a college student and he looked like he was in eighth grade and it was greatly upsetting. -
Because it's January, everyone is thinking about their New Year's Resolutions. I am trying to get more organized and a bunch of other boring stuff, but we all know what the real goals are and what matters.
Resolutions That Are Actually Achievable:
What are your actual achievable resolutions? Have you already failed at yours? I sure have... just ate a super hot cookie and definitely burned my mouth. Worth it.
The main goal of 2017 is to become financially organized. This is a challenge because I am probably one of the top five worst with money.
So perhaps instead of organizing my current money, I just need to find a way to get more - enough so it doesn't matter how I am with money....
Here are the current plans:
If anyone has any genius ideas (or is looking for a kidney for a fair price) please email them to me ASAP.
So, have you ever been sitting around and realized that Tim Allen might secretly be in love with your mother?
Sounds crazy right? Or does it...
Hear me out.
Tim Allen used to portray Tim Taylor, a crazy car obsessed tool-man, AKA: exactly like my mechanic father.
Tim Allen played Santa Claus in a series of movies, my mom LOVES Christmas.
Tim Allen voiced a cartoon character in an amazing PIxar movie, my mom had two young children who LOVE Disney/Pixar movies.
Tim Allen now plays a hunting and fishing outdoors man, my mom literally owns a hunting and fishing store.
Are you going to try and tell me that this is just a coincidence? Are you going to try to tell me that Tim Allen isn't manufactoring his entire career to catch the attention of my mother? Are you going to pretend like this isn't a fascinating realization.
Tim Allen, my mother is currently taken, but keep trying. Maybe one day you will meet your one true love.
New Years is happening this weekend, so obviously everyone is going to ask you what your resolution is and everyone needs a good answer. Do you need some help? I have some answers for you.
Pick one and I will give you a lovely New Year's Resolution:
1. Peacock Feather
2. Purple Pillow Case
3. Bronze Elephant
4. Golden T-Rex
5. LED Candle
You will learn how to ride a unicycle.
Purple Pillow Case
You will learn how to draw with pastels.
You will travel to Wisconsin.
You will develop a passion for roller blades.
You will catch up on all your favorite shows.
What kind of time machine,
Are you living in?
Mr. Stamos, you get more handsome,
Pretty much everyday.
It is really unfair,
And really weird.
Explain yourself sir,
You are a probably,
Into some dark margic.
The other day I brought Winston to work with me. Why? Because I like to make my life more difficult than it needs to be. Also because he is cute and funny to look at. Here is how the drive in went.
Me: Winston, you are coming to work with me! Get in the car!
Winston: OH BOY! CAR RIDE! COOL!
Me: Okay, let's roll!
Winston: OH GOD I HATE THIS! *whine whine whine*
Me: You were SO excited thirty seconds ago.
Winston: BUT ITS MOVING SO SLOW! GO FASTER! I ONLY LIKE MOVING FAST!
Me: Okay bud, there are speed limits I have to follow.
Winston: NO! DRIVE FAST! I'M FRIGHTENED!
Me: That makes no sense...
Winston: WHEN HAVE I EVER MADE SENSE!?
Me: Fair point. Shall I put on your favorite songs?
Winston: YES! HURRY!
Me: *puts on Winston's favorite CD: Backstreets Boys*
Winston: THAT'S GREAT! THANK YOU!
Me: Alright now stop whining.
Winston: MAYBE... WE'LL SEE. I WILL PROBABLY STOP FOR A BIT AND START AGAIN AS SOON AS YOU STOP THE CAR BUT I'LL BE FINE! MAYBE. PROBABLY. WE'LL SEE! CAN I SIT ON YOUR LAP? I KNOW YOU SAID I DON'T FIT BUT MAYBE IF I JUST, SQUEEZE IN THERE....
Me: SIT DOWN!
Winston: NO NEED TO BE MEAN!
Me: This is going to be a long ass drive to work...
Winston: BACKSTREETS BACK ALRIGHT!