I mean, Adults generally know that TV Shows are not an accurate depiction of real life, however I think that the people who make TV shows should have to put a disclaimer at the beginning of each episode. We are watching television as infants now. I know that infants usually watch sesame street and other kids shows, but sometimes your parents let you sneak in and watch TV with them because htey don't think you will understand. Or even in Middle School and High School you are watching these shows and forming your ideas of what the world really is.
Instead of warning against violence and nudity, maybe warn against the tings that really affect us negatively.
WARNING: The following program contains groups of adults who work very few hours but manage to afford enormous apartments in expensive cities with only occasional complaints about income.
WARNING: The following program contains relationships that are highly dramatized. In real life you will not face this much tragedy in one life time, if you do please seek help in entering some sort of bubble boy protocol.
WARNING: The following program contains excessive wit and humor that is not obtainable in an average conversation. It took days to write this episode, each line was carefully crafted, do not hold your speech patterns to this level of comedy.
WARNING: The following program contains characters who are portrayed by professional actors who are paid to be good looking. Do not worry if you don't look like them, it is literally their job.
WARNING: The following program contains scenarios where a character will get their dream job right away. we are aware this doesn't happen, however we are not guaranteed a set number of episodes so we had to fast forward it.
Warnings like this could really save some lives.
Here is the dream:
IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK FOR?! I would be happy with even ONE of these things. Really not asking for much.
There is an unlimited number of things that can make a person feel awkward just thinking about them.
Here is some:
Do you feel uncomfortable yet?
What did you spend your night doing? I bet it wasn't designing a T-shit with Bob Ross' face on it for your boyfriend. If it was, please email me I think we would be friends.
I will admit I messed up the first attempt. Note to self: Always buy dark transfer packages, you will almost always be making black shirts.
A little tip for anyone who has chronic insomnia (Crystal, I am looking right at you). Put on Bob Ross (Now on Netflix) before bed. He is super soothing and also kind of strange but in a weird dad way. He speaks nonsense and makes paintings that make me REALLY upset because in 30 minutes he accomplishes something I would never be able to recreate. But it is quite soothing and makes me want to pull out the old oil paintings and see what I can accomplish.
Dave and I have vowed to have a Bob Ross paint night in a couple weeks. I will let you know how that goes.
What does your favourite season says about you.
You have a constant eye on the door because you just know someone will come in with a neat story. You also are really into voodoo but haven't told anyone. You once made a cake out of breakfast cereal and ate all of it for brunch.
You really enjoy the idea of of parachuting but you probably won't do it because you will get distracted. You have to say the whole alphabet song to figure out if j is before k. You listen to disney music pretty often.
You are content eating chips for dinner. You either have a beard or wish you did. You have a feeling that one day you will fall into a man hole and might be the leader of the mole people.
You are really photogenic but only in selfies. You are really into antiques but only because you think they might be haunted. You are really good at typing but have no idea how to spell.
Hey, Remember that time my dreams came true and I got to go to Hogwarts?
Yeah. I stood there. I took that picture. I even went INTO Hogwarts.
Best three days of my life.
Just thought I would remind everyone including myself that there is some magical things that happen sometimes.
The perfect Sundae
4 Cups Vanilla Ice Cream
1 Tbsp Rainbow Sprinkles
2 Small Handfuls of Mini Chocolate Chips
1 Drizzle of Chocolate Sauce (Preferably that Hardens)
MASH TOGETHER AND SHOVEL INTO MOUTH
The Perfect Pizza
Cheese on top
Not too much sauce
COOK IT AND STUFF IT INTO MOUTH
THe Perfect Snack
Many Handfuls of Chips (flavour of your choice)
FILL HAND WITH CHIPS AND VIOLENTLY PUSH THEM INTO MOUTH
The Perfect Day
Quality Wifi and Working Computer
Unlimited Snacks Stocked
Well Behaved Dogs
Charged Cell Phone
Good Hair Day
Brain Full of Creative Ideas.
OBTAIN SNACKS, COMPUTER, PHONE, AND DOGS, SIT DOWN AND ENJOY.
I have never been very much of a hippie. I mean, I don't "chill" or "relax" or you know... have any of the personality traits of a hippie. However, I have decided that it has come to the end of the line as far as my current state of affairs can take me. I have just purchased a...wait for it...
ESSENTIAL OIL DIFFUSER.
I know. What even is that? Who knows. Here is what I learned via Pinterest. If you use essential oils in different ways, they can accomplish different things. Different oils apparently stimulate your brain to do certain things. Some like lavender, will help you sleep. Some like Grapefruit, might help you lose weight if you ingest it I think, that one I am still fuzzy on.
Anyways, I have purchased a cheapish and pretty looking diffuser, if it doesn't help me sleep, at the BARE minimum it is a really pretty looking humidifier which I need desperately given the fact that it is so dry in my house that I get nosebleeds on the reg.
If anyone has any other "natural" medical solutions for me I am all ears. I have been told to drink tea, but I am afraid it will taste gross. We all know I am the pickiest human right? I should try it though. I also am not a huge fan of the warm tummy feeling hot soupy things give you. But if it means a night without night terrors, stress dreams or just working all night only to wake up and work all day... I am open to it.
I give it three months before I start making tie-dye clothes.
(Mostly because I love crafts).
Everyone apparently needs it, but so few seem to be good at it. I, happen to be the foremost knowledgeable human on the surviving on poor sleep. Want to know how to do it?
You don't need sleep.
Sleep is, a lie the world has taught us we deserve. It is something that society has used as a marketing tool. If we need sleep, we need mattresses, PJs, pillows, blankets, bed side tables, bed frames, etc etc etc.
Sleep is a complete trick. All sleep brings is a whole other world that you have to worry about. The dream world is all nonsense. Even more than my regular life. Which I think we can all admit is complete jabberwocky. So this sleep universe is all night terrors and stress dreams, I get enough of that in the day time. Why would I go to sleep just to experience more of it and be unable to control it? At least when I am away I can eat my feelings. Sleep is a waste.
This is what I will tell myself so that the fact that I haven't slept in months is less painful.
On the plus side, Pinterest has given me a list of plants and essential oils I can try to sleep better. Am I one to believe in that stuff? No not usually. Am I at the point where I will try just about anything short of heroin? Yes I just might be.
Can someone please do the following things for me?
Wash my Hair
Do my makeup
Do my laundry
Pick my outfits
Pay my bills
Train my dogs
Build me custom furniture
and do my errands.
And I will sit around and watch RuPaul's Drag Race and you know... Eat.