Listen now! Crystal and I are slowly going to get better as we go I promise. But I like this episode for several reasons, including the discussion of the marvel Chrises, playing Mash, and the ever classy discussion of farts.
So, Listen, rate, review, subscribe, all that fun stuff that so that we know that people like the crazy thing we are creating.
Here is the thing, as someone who tends to have a creative mind, I do not have much time that I am not planning something.
I mean, obviously when I am busy or whatever at work I do my work. But like a damn fungus growing in a soggy swamp land, ideas just seem to continue building and evolving without my full attention.
The best part is coming back to the ideas when you finally have the time to focus and realizing that the idea is already 3/4 of the way formed. Its wonderful.
The only downside that it is kind of like when you have too many apps running on your phone in the background, it drains the battery really fast and everything else tends to run slower.
So lately, I had a new idea for a novel that I had originally wanted to write as a movie but now I am perhaps leaning towards novel but mostly because I have no idea how to write a screenplay. So that idea is percolating in my mind behind this imaginary curtain that I use to separate the things I actually enjoy from the things I have to waste my time on, like working and stuff. I haven't had a chance to revisit my plan and I was starting to get nervous that I would lose all my ideas but then I remembered the last time I planned a novel. It took me two months of just writing crazy backstory that was irrelevant to everything just something I do.
I do not have the time right now to get into planning. Not for this week at least. I just got onto a new work schedule for a temporary amount of time while I train someone at work, and so I have to work a lot of 12 hour days which sucks but it will be over soon. But I think this Sunday I might dive into the land of planning.
Saturday and Sunday are already destroyed as far as time alone goes, but so far Sunday has absolutely no commitments. I think it may be book planning time.
If anyone out there is a writer and you know any ways to handle this constant planning thing I have going on, please help. I am exhausted enough and as much as I would love to devote all my energy to writing and creating other stuff (cough, podcast will be going up very shortly so get ready to listen to that - Timely Waffle) I have to remember how to do my job until I can train this new person how to do it so I can go back to procrastinating.
How do other creative people do it? How do people focus? How do people divide their minds and manage to remember which words belong in which worlds? I just get so jumbled and messed up. I need a nap. Well, I need to go to bed. I am still hungry but I don't feel like cooking it is so late. This is long. I apologize. Goodnight all!
The very first Timely Waffle Podcast is officially uploaded! It is currently in review by iTunes to be added into its list of things to be available so let us all cross our fingers, and silently rock back and forth as my voice and opinions and inner workings become available to the greater public.
I am aware that that may seem hypocritical as I write here and talk about whatever, but I cannery easily lie and say its not me. People who know my voice will know it IS me. It's time I guess to stop being afraid of people knowing who I am and just make things because I like making them.
It is fun to finally start uploading these. We have 3 recorded (technically 4 I guess, 3 is going to get split) and its been a while since we started. It will be fun (hopefully) to start seeing people listen to our now horribly outdated podcasts.
Creating things is fun. Sharing things is fun. You would think sharing things you created would be fun, however it is also terrifying.
At least its not like we tried to be something we aren't. In episode 1 we do a dinosaur personality test. We aren't breaking through any emotional boundaries here. Just easy going fun.
So please, everyone go to Soundcloud or click below and download our first episode of Timely Waffle. Crystal and I would greatly appreciate it and look forward to hearing whether or not people like it.
You know that moment that you are trying to fall asleep, but instead you accidentally plan the premise to your next novel and have to get up to go write it down before you forget?
Now I will never get to sleep.
Tanya: "Hey, Brain?"
Brain: "Sup bro?"
Tanya: "How would you feel about giving me these ideas before I have decided to go to bed?"
Brain: "What do you mean?"
Tanya: "Oh I don't know, don't put an idea for a book in my head right as I am trying to fall asleep? That way I can go to sleep instead of world building all night."
Brain: "Oh, well maybe if you would turn off Netflix and sit in the quiet with me every once and a while I could operate at normal hours, but you are always trying to distract me. What are you so afraid of hearing me say?"
Tanya: "Whoa now, let's not get too deep here. No need to attack me or Netflix. Netflix did nothing wrong."
Netflix: "Ya, fuck off Brain. I am giving her some well deserved relief from your hack job of an interaction. Maybe if you would just settle your shit she wouldn't have to constantly spend hours with me to forget all the garbage you keep throwing at her."
Brain: "Well maybe some of us are concerned for her future! Maybe some of us want to see her accomplish something other than another season of Scrubs."
Tanya: "Whoa, guys calm down here. I don't want to start a war, I just want to go to sleep."
Brain: "I am just doing what is best for you, I can't help it that what is best for you isn't always convenient or fun!"
Tanya: "I'm sorry, I know you are right."
Netflix: "Don't listen to him, he is guilting you, just like he always does. So sly with all his allies, imagination, feelings, and the conscience. Unfair playing field."
Tanya: "Netflix, he's right. I need to listen to him if I am ever going to accomplish anything I want to. I am sorry, but I think we should maybe slow it down."
Netflix: "How slow?" *tears welling up*
Tanya: "I mean, we can still be friends, but I think we should limit our time together. At least for a little while. I just need to see where this other thing is going, see if theres anything meaningful there. But I will always love you."
Netflix: "You'll be back. I don't even, *sniff* care."
Brain: "It's best if we leave now, leave him with some dignity."
Tanya: "I will see you around I promise. We can probably hang out a bit tomorrow, just maybe not all night okay?"
Netflix: "Yeah, okay. Goodnight."
Brain: "You did the right thing."
Tanya: "Then why do I feel so terrible?"
I meant to go to bed,
It is now 9:57pm,
and I didn't notice until now.
I am not ready for bed,
Why am I not ready?
Why can't I just be tired,
When it counts?
Morning comes so fast,
and weekends come so slow.
I am looking at you Modcloth.
Way to be fantastic.
No only do they have some of the most adorable clothing on the internet, but their customer service is fantastic.
They have people that can give you advice on sizing based on the actual clothes instead of what size your measurements usually need, they will tell you if something fits big or small.
They have people just to give you style advice, which I have not used because of my entire lack of self esteem and also because I can't afford to buy all the things I want and don't want to waste their time.
But most importantly, their customer service is so fantastic that it just makes my usual interactions in retail settings look as though I am asking people to give me a lung.
Here is two scenarios that have happened to me this week.
Company A: Go to a store I frequent and have a membership for, notice that an item (expensive - nearly $200) is now on sale for $30 off. I go to customer service ask if they can look up the receipt on my card and return to me the difference. I have worked in returns before, I know this is not foreign technology. Also I have done this at that exact store before.
They tell me "In order to complete this task, you must first find the largest salmon in the entire continent of Europe, then bring it to the smallest bear in Asia all the while blowing bubbles out a comical pipe made of cheese."
Or something to that effect. Is was a hassle and instead I just left.
Company B: Shipped me an article of clothing I ordered online, when I received it I was sad because it didn't fit. I asked their style consultant what size I should get instead, when she noticed that the size I ordered should have fit fine, she asked me to check the tag which was in a weird place so I hadn't noticed it before. They had shipped me the wrong size. Given my non-American location I figured it would be full of hassles to return it and get the proper size. BUT!
They tell me "No, we will just send you the appropriate size and also a cheese plate to apologize for the delay in receiving your product."
Me: "Do I have to craft a comical cheese pipe and blow bubbles to qualify for this nice gesture?"
They tell me, "Well no, that makes no sense. But please shop again soon. Enjoy the artisanal cheeses."
Or something to that effect, maybe with less cheese.
Anyways, I will give you ONE guess as to which company I am happy with. Thank you Modcloth, if you are ever looking for a weirdo writer lady to talk about your stuff I will do it for almost free. I mean this time I am doing it for free, first hits always free. I shouldn't make drug jokes when offering myself as a brand partner. Live and Learn.
She's got the shakes
For Corn Flakes.
She can't let go,
Of her Cheerios.
Leave her alone,
With her Honey Combs.
Suggested serving sizes,
To continue life's cosmic joke that is my current employment, I am being forced to pick a new employee to replace one that is leaving. The thing about that is, I am being forced to interact with strangers, no, correction, I am being forced to interact with humans with the intention of making a decision about them.
If you ever saw me try to decide anything you would understand why it is the funniest thing in the entire world. Or, better yet if you ever saw me trying to interact with humans, you would really know that this is a mistake.
Here is an example that is probably almost to the word exactly how a decision I was faced with ended up.
Crystal (Tanya's Best Friend): Hey where should we order pizza from?
Tanya: I don't know, you decide.
Crystal: No, you came all the way out here and I picked last time, you pick.
Tanya: What are the options?
Crystal: *lists all options*
Tanya: Okay, so, which do you like?
Crystal: No, dude seriously, I said you pick. You need to learn to make basic decisions in life. How will you ever amount to anything. (mild exaggeration on the interaction probably, she knows better than to pretend I will ever amount to anything)
Tanya: *internal combustion*
Crystal: Are you dead?
Tanya: *high pitched noises emitting from brain*
So as you can see, the idea that I am required to make a decision is beyond ridiculous.
I also am just beyond bored with the questions I have to ask. Mostly because if I had it my way, I could ask probably 5 questions that would easily answer who I should hire.
Questions I wish I could ask:
Please leave your answers in the comments below, I will keep your responses on file for the inevitable day that I will need someone trust worthy to have at my side due to my immense success.
Typos and autocorrect are real issue facing the young professional these days. It doesn't seem to matter how careful you are, you will always look back over random texts, emails or even blog posts and realise you got autocorrected from "watched" to "wetted". HOW IS THAT BETTER AUTOCORRECT!?
I did recently get a new phone that seems to cut down on shitty typos because it has a better keyboard but still gets a lot wrong in its efforts to manage my lack of spelling knowledge and my inability to actually look at what I'm doing.
The problem is, these typos invade life in the most unfortunate ways. I mean there are entire websites devoted to its comical implications, but this issue is affecting real people.
This is an open plea to autocorrect programmers, you are doing just fine and I appreciate the amount of time you have saved me but please stop with some things.
No one has ever meant to say ducking. Except me, right then. Just accept it and let it happen and don't question my authority or stifle my anger.