Long weekend is almost here,
I can almost taste it.
One more day.
I took the weekend to not write any stupid nonsense that you all love so much, and then when I tried to get back into it on Monday, it WOULD NOT LOAD!
I apologize for the inconvenience to your entertainment schedule. I shall be back with regular nonsense for you as much as possible. In honour of my goofy little cousin whom I know enjoys the "Pick One" games, I have one of those for you. So please Pick One. Share it with your friends and Tag which ones you are #fancysweatpants
WHY WON't YOUR COMPUTER LOAD?
A tiny but evil elf has made it's home in your computer, causing the wires to get overwhelmed by the added weight of his body as he uses it as a hammock.
CRACK TACO SHELL
Dude when was the last time you paid your internet bill? They shut that shit down three weeks ago.
Your dog peed on your modem. You are going to need a new modem and probably a better dog. Or Doggy Diapers. Those exist, look it up.
15 CARDBOARD CUTOUTS OF WILLIAM SHATNER
The internet took a vote, you are too weird for it. Please re-evaluate your life and reapply in three to four weeks.
A wild boar got into your internet service provider's office. It injured many people but no one has been able to call for help. The only person who is uninjured is linked in a room with no phone, only the speed and quality buttons and is frantically pressing them on and off in hopes that someone will eventually be so mad they will come down and realize the situation and help all the people who have been maimed by this vicious creature.
PS- Do you want to know the true irony of this post? As I went to go to post it it freaked out and wouldn't load and then I lost a chunk of it. THANKS INTERNET! I am sure you will survive the boar attacks, please stop inconveniencing my life ever so slightly so that someone will come help you. We all know it wouldn't be me. I don't ... go places.
I am turning 28 in a bit over a month and 80% of my wardrobe is either ripped, worn out, stained, doesn't fit, or has super heroes on it. Not knocking the super heroes, because we all know I need them but I do also need clothes that are slightly more appropriate for work. I think the others are starting to notice that I wear the same 3 shirts in a cycle. It's okay though, I bought a fourth. Now everything is fine right?
I once again would like to throw it out there that if ModCloth wants to partner up in some kind of geek makeover, I would be greatly appreciative. I should see if their styling service is free. I need help. HOW DOES ONE DRESS LIKE AN ADULT!?
This is what I have gathered in my sociological research so far:
HOW TO DRESS LIKE AN ADULT:
STEP ONE: If your undergarments are ripped, don't fit, or are uncomfortable GO BUY NEW ONES. You will never regret buying new underwear. This is what the adults seem to say in hushed voices using codes (I assume).
STEP TWO: If you want to wear something, wear it. You aren't in high school anymore, chances are you won't be bullied for wearing a dress and probably no one will flip up the bottom and show everyone your underpants. I mean, the wind might, but not the bullies.
STEP THREE: Wear what is comfortable for you, not what is stylish for others. You are the one living in your body so if you hate certain things don't wear them.
I am still working on step one. I was supposed to clean out my closet tonight, but instead I sat down. Cruel trap that couch is eh? Anyways, We can all use a little help dressing better, so maybe if you have any good tips on how to dress or where I can find really adorable clothes for prices that suit a terribly low budget, please let me know ASAP.
I would like to know what it would be like to be a dog. I am 100% certain I have said this before, but they have the most majestic lives. I mean, I guess it might be stressful for them when they don't understand that you will be back but just imagine it for a second...
Now you find a reason to tell me that this isn't amazing and I will ignore you because it sounds like the greatest.
Dave is currently watching a movie about some men on a raft in the ocean. I don't know what it is called and I have mostly been ignoring it, but what I want to know is why the ocean has to be so god damn terrifying?
Did you know the Ocean is simply a nightmare factory?
BioLuminescent Sea Monsters
I don't know the name of many nightmare fish, but I know that I never want to be trapped in the ocean. Let's do a vote... Which Nighmare Sea Beast is the worst?
Forest Nerd Pledge
I pledge that I will appreciate the combination of nature and technology.
I pledge I will wander without judgement of others in their nerdy endeavours.
I pledge to support my team members in their tasks.
I pledge that I will watch where I am going so I don't step on Chipmunks.
Crystal, Sandy and I went into a forest today and played Pokemon Go as we walked along a magical path that housed 1000 fairies and forest nymphs. We created a club of sorts, perhaps more of a Team called TEAM FOREST NERDS. If you wish to join, this is the pledge you must take. Take care my forest friends.
Let's not pretend we aren't all collecting Pokemon while trying to pretend we are just checking our texts outside the bank. Let's all just realize that we want to catch 'em all and stop harassing those who are doing better. I mean, obvious there is some rules we should all follow. Such as:
WATCH WHERE YOU ARE GOING
Seriously, I am just as bad as everyone else. Walking around with their face on the screen. But maybe, now that the notification settings are set better I won't be such a clumsy monster. If it works on your phone, it should vibrate when something important is happening. Do that instead of walking without looking. People will end up getting eaten by real life monsters while they search for the cartoon ones.
BE NICE TO YOUR PETS
Remember your real animals need love too. They also need water when you go on your long poke-walks. Bring a bowl for them so they don't get dehydrated and don't forget to love them because they are in the reality reality not the augmented reality.
DON'T LET THE JERKS GET YOU DOWN!
For as many people I see playing or talking about Pokemon go, you see just as many people wasting time badmouthing it. How about people who aren't fans just shh a bit and let us dorks have our fun. We are going outside and walking around. You make fun of us when we stay inside to play our games, you make fun of us if we go outside to play them... HOW CAN WE WIN? And don't say stop playing games because that is not a reasonable request.
Those are my tips so far on Pokemon Go. I hope everyone trains well and stays safe. If only there was a gym closer to my house...
Let's Continue to make movies with interesting women in the lead.