I have been in a relationship for quite a while. I am very pleased about this given that the current state of being single seems to mean online dating and that seems like so much work (also because he is nice and stuff).
My dear friend was showing me the process of creating an online dating profile and was asking for my advice on what to put in the fields asked of her. However she did not enjoy my answers. This is why I can never make new friends and would never be able to date.
My Version of an Online Profile
I know too much about the Harry Potter Universe and that is really all that matters.
What I’m doing with my life
I don't think that is a fair question, I mean what the hell are you doing? Reading this. Good life choices, I like your style.
I’m really good at
Alienating strangers immediately
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
I like books and movies and shows that allow me to temporarily pretend my life is not happening and that instead I am living in some fictional world where I can just watch cool people do cool things while in the safety of my bed. That is normal right? Preferably while eating Ice Cream.
The six things I could never do without
JaRule's next career move.
On a typical Friday night I am
Writing sarcastic posts about myself (and JaRule).
You should message me if
You need an awkward internet friend to talk to sometimes when your one humanoid friend is busy talking to other humans.
So I am back!
Did you miss me?
Of course you did.
I was really only away three days but it feels like longer because I started working on a post and never finished it, or replaced it with something else so i haven't been here in a while and I do apologize.
To make it up for you I will give you a list of the things I learned about New Brunswick while I was there:
1. There is a Pizza Hut.
2. There is a Wendys.
3. There is a Swiss Chalet.
4. There are many trees.
5. There is a significant amount of water.
6. There are a lot of family members I had not met yet but now have.
That is about it. We were literally there for around 30 hours. We drove 11 hours to spend 30 hours to drive 11 hours back. It was nice to see some family members though so that was cool.
I am however, very tired still. Not that I wouldn't be if I was just here the whole time. I am just always tired. I think I have a weird connection to my bed where if I am not in it my soul begins to wither.
I need to become one of those grandparents from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Just in bed for like, thirty years. I mean, maybe like that devious old bastard who is capable of getting up if the task is fun enough, and not like one of the sad old people who just can't get up. I want to be able to get up if someone wants to take me to a bitchin' chocolate factory full of traps, but not to go to work or anything.
Any how, I just wanted to apologize and let you know the goofs will resume immediately. I will go finish my ridiculous post I was trying to work on before about Dating Websites and try to do that before being so cozy and cocooned in my bed that I sleep for longer than the entire time I was out of my Province.
It's not like,
I just don't want,
To do stuff,
I just really,
have no desire,
to ever do stuff.
Let us continue this spooky selection of modern horrors.
You wake up, you try really hard to avoid looking in the mirror because it is never great to see that reflection first thing in the morning. You make it through most of your morning routine without catching that terrible glimpse when suddenly, a piece of dust gets in your eye and you are forced to use that stupid invention of a magnifying mirror to get it out. You are presented with your pores at 6am, up close and personal.
You are in line at Walmart, buying the usual products: Chips, Advil, Tampons, whatever, when appearing out of nowhere, that annoying girl you went to high school with who always has so many questions about your life. You try to look forward and pretend like you don't see her, maybe she won't notice you either. When suddenly, you hear the most terrible noise, the high pitched squeal of an overexcited former friend.
Is IT Water?
It's the middle of the night and wake up out of a deep sleep and want a glass of water. You step out into the hall and get the the kitchen without turning on any lights or even really opening your eyes. That's when you feel it. A cold, wet, puddle that you stepped in. Now your eyes dart open and you see that it is close enough to the sink it could have been a spill, but it also potentially dog pee. You won't know until you get the paper towel.
Given that it is October and it is the designated month for all things spooky, I thought I would share with you some truly terrifying stories.
This is a story about a young man who had a bad memory. He was always forgetting to check the mail until one day, his cable shut off. He called the cable company and they said he hadn't paid his bill in six months. The man replied that this was impossible he always pays his bills. They must not have sent them he yelled. He looked through his desk and when he couldn't find any recent bills he went to his mail box in the lobby of his apartment building and found an overflowing box with a note that says "Please see management for the rest".
Push Like OR ELSE
A girl you know had a baby a week ago and she has been sharing pictures non-stop on Instagram. You start out by liking them because that is nice. After a while, you are no longer really wanting to like everyone so you scroll on past her latest post. You then receive a text that says "Do you think my baby isn't cute!" You change your number and delete all social media accounts.
Dead and Alone
You go to the movies with your friend. She gets up to go to the concession stand and buy popcorn. You two had arrived early so the pre-show isn't even playing yet so you are left with nothing to do. You pull out your phone to pass the time with a little game or perhaps some Pinterest, but then you realize, your battery is DEAD.
So that is the first collection of modern day scary stories of the month. Check back for more spooky terrors to come!
Did you know that,
If you get bored enough,
Your hair will turn blue?
Pinterest controls me,
Colours interest me,
You are welcome hair.
I am having a bit of trouble thinking up a main plot for my nano book this year. Well I guess I kind of have it, its a road trip based on following your goals or dreams or whatever sappy thing I decided on because I can't handle any more stress in my life right now. But I need little mini plots to make the book actually move forward.
To help myself get some plotting ideas I have decided to use a Mad Libs generator.
This is part of what came out of that:
To take a drink of Whiskey from the ground, the Giraffe has to spread its Butts far apart in order to lean down and drink it up with its enormous Eye.
Clearly that isn't going to help.
Instead I will make a Mad Lib and you will give me the answers. That sounds like it will benefit me more that the original plan.
Here we go.
Charlie and Hettie had been #1 for #2 hours before taking a bathroom break. Charlie was near #3 when they finally found a store. The clerk at the store said that the washroom was for customers only. Grabbing for whatever was in reach, Charlie ended up picking up a #4 #5 and #6 it on the #7. Realizing how #8 that looked to the clerk, she tried to #9 but ended up looking more #10 than ever. Hottie started to #11 at her as Charlie #12 her money at the clerk before grabbing the #13 to the washroom and #14 #15 to the washroom.
Leave a comment with your answer to help me get some ideas for things to happen!
I just wrote a whole blog post and was about to publish it.
The blog post was about how things tend to go wrong in my life.
The blog post was deleted and not saved in my drafts as I went to hit publish.
How will anyone ever know of my creative genius if the internet keeps deleting it?
Let me try this again.
My life is consistently full of garbage. If I am not sick, Dave is sick. If Dave isn't sick, my car is broken. If my car isn't broken, my dog pooped on a rug. If my dog didn't poop on a rug then I don't know, I can't find my sweatpants.
Seemingly trivial things to a lot of people I am sure. I appreciate your struggles, really I do, but unfortunately for you this is my website.
What I want to know is, if there is Karma, or whatever entity you believe in, why does it constantly seem like shitty things have to happen all the time. Why can't a day just be alright sometimes? It never is just wake up and be medium all day. I am not asking for a fantastic great day, I am asking for an alright day.
Here is what an decent day looks like:
That is really all I would need to have an decent day.
A Fantastic Great Day would look more like this:
That would be a Fantastically Great Day.
I may not be a saint, and I sometimes do shitty things like drive too fast or laugh at kids who fall off their bikes, but I just want to go one day where everything is just decent.
I think there should be a rule where we get like, minimum once a month a day where nothing bad, nothing ridiculously wonderful, just only decent things happen. That should be a thing. Make it happen the internet.
Join Crystal and Tanya as they talk about comics, children and opinions they don't know how they feel about.
Rate, Review and Subscribe to us on iTunes or Soundcloud or whatever Podcast App you use. You really should use one. Podcasts are fantastic. Not just ours, there are so many good ones! Go get into them and bonus, ours has a a nice broad range of topics, games and trivia.
October is the month before November. That is common knowledge of course. What isn't common knowledge is that November is National Novel Writing Month. A month in which a lot of people around the world, including yours truly, write a 50,000 word novel all within that month. So the month before the month where the people write all the words, the people who plan the thing they are going to write in the month, need to arrange their thoughts before the month starts.
See how muddled my brain already is? Its very hard writing 50,000 words in a month. I have done it successfully for four years, but every year its just as hard. It never gets easier to spit a novel out in a month, nor does it get easier to plan the thing your going to write.
I was supposed to spend this month planning. It is super hard to find the motivation to delve into the worlds I need to create. Granted this year will be heavily based in the real world but this will likely need to be slightly researched mostly because of that stupid decision to be in the real world. Stupid real world. Always letting me down.
Anyways, I need suggestions if at all possible. Leave me comments with small plot twists I can add in. Easy things that could happen in real life(ish).
If you want to add me as a NaNoWriMo buddy please feel free! My username is tanya.lynn26 and would be happy to chat with anyone about their novelling process as mine is severely flawed and I am always looking for tips.
Please, help me.