I am turning 28 in a bit over a month and 80% of my wardrobe is either ripped, worn out, stained, doesn't fit, or has super heroes on it. Not knocking the super heroes, because we all know I need them but I do also need clothes that are slightly more appropriate for work. I think the others are starting to notice that I wear the same 3 shirts in a cycle. It's okay though, I bought a fourth. Now everything is fine right?
I once again would like to throw it out there that if ModCloth wants to partner up in some kind of geek makeover, I would be greatly appreciative. I should see if their styling service is free. I need help. HOW DOES ONE DRESS LIKE AN ADULT!?
This is what I have gathered in my sociological research so far:
HOW TO DRESS LIKE AN ADULT:
STEP ONE: If your undergarments are ripped, don't fit, or are uncomfortable GO BUY NEW ONES. You will never regret buying new underwear. This is what the adults seem to say in hushed voices using codes (I assume).
STEP TWO: If you want to wear something, wear it. You aren't in high school anymore, chances are you won't be bullied for wearing a dress and probably no one will flip up the bottom and show everyone your underpants. I mean, the wind might, but not the bullies.
STEP THREE: Wear what is comfortable for you, not what is stylish for others. You are the one living in your body so if you hate certain things don't wear them.
I am still working on step one. I was supposed to clean out my closet tonight, but instead I sat down. Cruel trap that couch is eh? Anyways, We can all use a little help dressing better, so maybe if you have any good tips on how to dress or where I can find really adorable clothes for prices that suit a terribly low budget, please let me know ASAP.
What did you spend your night doing? I bet it wasn't designing a T-shit with Bob Ross' face on it for your boyfriend. If it was, please email me I think we would be friends.
I will admit I messed up the first attempt. Note to self: Always buy dark transfer packages, you will almost always be making black shirts.
A little tip for anyone who has chronic insomnia (Crystal, I am looking right at you). Put on Bob Ross (Now on Netflix) before bed. He is super soothing and also kind of strange but in a weird dad way. He speaks nonsense and makes paintings that make me REALLY upset because in 30 minutes he accomplishes something I would never be able to recreate. But it is quite soothing and makes me want to pull out the old oil paintings and see what I can accomplish.
Dave and I have vowed to have a Bob Ross paint night in a couple weeks. I will let you know how that goes.
I have a question about women's fashion and I could think of no one better to ask. I am trying to define a style as I am getting older and feel like I should be more confident in my clothing choices. Lately I have been purchasing clothes that are louder than I used to wear, but that mostly means they have various floral patterns and sometimes bright colours. Is this okay? I am worried that people might judge me for my clothing.
Clothing Conundrum in Connecticut
Dear Clothing Conundrum,
Here is my thoughts about your issue, WEAR WHATEVER YOU WANT! Clothes are the worlds easiest way to express your innards. I mean, not your kidneys or intestines, but your inner most feelings and loves. For example, I love super heroes, so just about every casual t-shirt I own features every super hero imaginable. I also, just purchased overalls and while I am sure I look like an enormous toddler, I am going to wear them and hope for the best because it is my body and I need to learn to embrace it's weird shape. I mean, it takes practice probably right? I really don't know. About 80% of the clothes I own aren't seen by the public because I have no self-esteem, but for you Clothing Conundrum, you sound awesome so just do your thing.
Get it Girl.
I am obviously a fashion icon. I can wear pants, socks, shirts and other clothing items that cover the majority of my skin. What you need is my help when you need fashion advice. Here is what I have for you.
To make sure your upper body is looking its finest, you need to squish all the parts into various fabrics that ideally have some sort of shape that looks like it suits your body shape. If you are feeling adventurous, perhaps try something with a graphic print, an animal print or maybe a bright colour.
To get that lower body looking fabulous, you have to decide if you want to have a free flowing and breezy experience, or if you want to confine each leg into its own containment unit. Should you choose a free flowing garment, just wrap any fabric around your torso and that can be called a skirt. If you want the confined experience, allowing you to be able to kick without revealing your intimate areas, take two pieces of fabric and have them wrap around each leg.
You need something to protect you from the dangers on the ground. So like, cardboard, foam, rubber, metal or whatever you can use to prevent yourself from stepping on sharp things like rocks, lobsters, or hedgehogs. To secure the protection you just need some sort of attachment to wrap it around the foot to keep it on you. Duct Tape is always an option.
Hats are the best option to complete an outfit. They are always acceptable and always awesome. With hats, the bigger the better. The best option is obviously, top hat or excessive sun hats.
Because I am a weird OCD/Slacker mix, I like to plan but rarely follow through.
To try to combat this lack of following through, I would like to post a to-do list here on the lovely internet to hold me accountable for my future.
I keep complaining about how much I hate my current situation, be it job, home, goals, etc, but as the reigning Queen of the Procrastin-Nation I have accomplished literally none of my goals.
So here we go. They will be small goals because I keep my standards LOW AS FUCK!
That is probably enough goals. I can accomplish these right? In the half of a year that I have left... eik. I better get working! How does one yoga?
As previous mentioned I tend to wear a lot of sweatpants. So instead of being a fancy , girlie girl, I tend to just wear baggy clothing with ice-cream stains on them. I do my best to try to become slightly more presentable for situations that require social interactions but let's be honest, I don't do very well even when I try my best.
I have been spending too much time on the internet lately. I shouldn't be allowed on Pinterest because it gives me too many ideas that I am incapable of accomplishing. Between the hair styles and the outfits other people are capable of pulling off it just leaves me feeling super inadequate.
Is there a way to make sweatpants and greasy hair look put-together? Only on super models I think... not on frumpy twenty-somethings who are just lazy.
My current outfit includes a pair of slipper socks, leggings that are covered in dog hair, a t-shirt that says "If all else fails nap" and a sweater that doesn't fit nicely at all but I was cold and I am trying to do laundry so I have nothing else.
I am watching 3rd Rock from the Sun, Sally just said "I can Woman" unconvincingly. That is how I feel a lot of the time. I feel exactly like Sally Solomon, an Alien trapped in a body she as no idea how to use. Except my body is not a 6 foot tall mega-babe. I look more like Harry Solomon with the height of young Tommy... that is a better comparison.
I watch too much television. I should probably learn to be a woman right? I think I am going to try. I ordered a dress for my little cousin's fundraiser so we will see how that fits and if it goes well then I have an excellent source of pretty clothes I actually like. That might help. I don't enjoy going into public places so I prefer online shopping.
That way I can be antisocial and not shop in public but on the occasions when forced to enter an environment with other humans, I can hopefully be dressed in adorable outfits that will make me look like a confident, pretty woman instead of an uneasy twelve year old boy.
So if anyone on the internet has some good tips on dressing like a grown-up or at least dressing in a way that doesn't look like I am trying to be forever fourteen I would greatly appreciate it.