Because it's January, everyone is thinking about their New Year's Resolutions. I am trying to get more organized and a bunch of other boring stuff, but we all know what the real goals are and what matters.
Resolutions That Are Actually Achievable:
What are your actual achievable resolutions? Have you already failed at yours? I sure have... just ate a super hot cookie and definitely burned my mouth. Worth it.
Today I made a to-do list at work, and you know what, I actually did it all. That has never happened in the history of to-do lists.
Now that I am an expert at being productive, I have a few fool-proof tips to help you out.
Fool-Proof Tips to be productive
STEP ONE: PROCRASTINATE
If you wait long enough, you will have literally no choice but to do everything in a rush because you have just no other option.
STEP TWO: DENIAL
If you don't put anything too challenging on your to-do list, it will seem like you did everything you were supposed to.
STEP THREE: FAKE IT
If you aren't sure the proper way to do something, just pretend you did it right and hope for the best.
STEP FOUR: IGNORE
If your to-do list doesn't get completed, rip off the things that aren't done and throw them away. If you don't have it on your list, then it isn't your fault.
STEP FIVE: LEAVE
If you pretend your list is done and just leave it, then no one can tell you otherwise.
That is it, five easy steps to being productive. Go do something now, or I mean, don't. It's up to you. I won't ever know one way or the other. Good luck!
I ask that I be filled,
with the inspiration,
of the ever powerful,
May my paint strokes be even,
and my colours coordinate,
and most of all,
let it not cost a fortune.
So for the first time since maybe my first book I ever wrote I actually sat down and read the entirety of my Nanowrimo novel and you know what, I didn't hate it as much as I expected! It is silly and goofy and maybe not the highest of stakes but it was fun and i even laughed at the jokes my exhausted brain made. I mean, that doesn't mean they are funny it just means I find myself funny which is obvious to anyone who meets me. I think I laugh at my own jokes more than anyone laughs at anyone else's jokes.
Here is a poem about reading something you wrote:
I thought I would hate it,
I thought it would be so bad.
Turns out I was almost satisfied,
and it was only half bad.
That is how it feels to be a writer, just so you know. Also, that is on a good day. Next step, read through again but make notes on stuff that I don't like! Then comes the fun process of rewriting it! Then I will have to find someone to read it and give me notes. The thought of that gives me heart palpitations. Even though I have some volunteers, still scary. Oh well, instead of dwelling on that I will revel in the fact that I read my whole book in a day and accomplished a sort of something for my book. Hooray for the easiest part being done!
Because I am an adult, I spent a good chunk of my day playing with a star wars character generator. Crystal made hers first which is how i found this. And then I made me. Because I do everything Crystal does... and also I love playing with these things.
Crystal is a Jedi and I am a Rebel Alliance fighter. She has beautiful lavender hair and I have half a shaved head because in the Star Wars world I am a badass.
If anyone has more of these that will make me be able to pretend I am in movies, please send them to me. Also, if you make yourself as a Star Wars character send me it I want to see.
Happy New Years everyone, thank you for reading this through 2015, it has been a weird year but let us all hope that 2016 is slightly better and that my brain stays as weird as it has always been but is better at focusing.
I went to the gym
I lifted some stuff
Now my arms don't work
But soon I will look tough.
The year, 1996. Maybe 1998? I don't know it was the late nineties and everything was a lot of the same stuff all the time. Until one glorious band emerged from the Great United Kingdom and brought upon us bored rural youths the hope and excitement that came with Girl Power, Platform Shoes and inappropriate songs we wouldn't understand for more years than we would like to admit.
That is right, the Spice Girls entered our lives and took them for themselves, creating an army of girls wearing really tall running shoes - or for those of us with parents more reasonable and not willing to buy such preposterous footwear, often found ourselves standing on top of two my fours or crates just to meet their friends eye line.
The Spice Girls had it all, and most important to me at the time, a Polaroid Commercial.
That polaroid commercial was with out a doubt one of my favourite things at the time. I actually taped it off of television using our VHS recorder and some careful timing, recording it onto my tape of various Spice Girl appearances and performances.
This commercial featured them in some kind of school which I don't remember very well now, (sometimes things just burn so brightly they scorch the memory) but what I knew what all I ever needed in life to be who I wanted to be was a Polaroid camera.
I never got said camera, because it was a ridiculous request. Polaroid film is ridiculously expensive and it is not really an obtainable thing for a nine year old.
THAT IS: Until Amazon has a pre-black Friday sale and someone can order one $50 off.
Did I have much forethought to when I would ever need a Polaroid camera given that I am literally always carrying my phone which has a fantastic built in camera? Do I know I literally have 5 other perfectly functional cameras in the room at this very moment? Do I know that the film is still more expensive than printing a picture normally?
Apparently none of that matters now that I have a lovely baby blue Polaroid camera that takes mini polaroid pictures that I can do whatever I wish with. Probably lose immediately but let's hope I am smarter about it.
Anyways, I just wanted to say, dreams can come true kids. Especially if your dreams are as pathetic as mine.
UPDATE ALERT: Just watched the commercial in question - FOUND HERE
It is exactly as I remembered it. It is important to note that I watched the behind the scenes footage before which reminded me that I had a bunch of that on my tape too. Way to go young me, just so you know, you still enjoy watching behind the scenes stuff way more than you should.
When you reach the half way point,
In any endeavour you take,
You should look back at what you've done,
Be proud for goodness sake!
For a crazy, effort filled adventure awaits,
Even more than what has passed.
But you'll make it through and back again,
And reach all your goals at last.
Happy Half Way Point fellow Wrimos!
Good luck on the rest of the month!
I just wrote a whole blog post and was about to publish it.
The blog post was about how things tend to go wrong in my life.
The blog post was deleted and not saved in my drafts as I went to hit publish.
How will anyone ever know of my creative genius if the internet keeps deleting it?
Let me try this again.
My life is consistently full of garbage. If I am not sick, Dave is sick. If Dave isn't sick, my car is broken. If my car isn't broken, my dog pooped on a rug. If my dog didn't poop on a rug then I don't know, I can't find my sweatpants.
Seemingly trivial things to a lot of people I am sure. I appreciate your struggles, really I do, but unfortunately for you this is my website.
What I want to know is, if there is Karma, or whatever entity you believe in, why does it constantly seem like shitty things have to happen all the time. Why can't a day just be alright sometimes? It never is just wake up and be medium all day. I am not asking for a fantastic great day, I am asking for an alright day.
Here is what an decent day looks like:
That is really all I would need to have an decent day.
A Fantastic Great Day would look more like this:
That would be a Fantastically Great Day.
I may not be a saint, and I sometimes do shitty things like drive too fast or laugh at kids who fall off their bikes, but I just want to go one day where everything is just decent.
I think there should be a rule where we get like, minimum once a month a day where nothing bad, nothing ridiculously wonderful, just only decent things happen. That should be a thing. Make it happen the internet.
Because I am a weird OCD/Slacker mix, I like to plan but rarely follow through.
To try to combat this lack of following through, I would like to post a to-do list here on the lovely internet to hold me accountable for my future.
I keep complaining about how much I hate my current situation, be it job, home, goals, etc, but as the reigning Queen of the Procrastin-Nation I have accomplished literally none of my goals.
So here we go. They will be small goals because I keep my standards LOW AS FUCK!
That is probably enough goals. I can accomplish these right? In the half of a year that I have left... eik. I better get working! How does one yoga?