My website tried to change its layouts and when I tried to figure it out I ended up looking like a fool. How do I fix it?
Dear Disaster Designer,
I am right there with you dude. They changed the layouts here and now I don't know what I did but I can't change things. Here are some suggestions that the internet has given me for improving your things.
1. Host a really good podcast that gets sponsored by Squarespace. I am not sponsered... YET. But squarespace if you want to sponser the Timely Waffle we just recorded our first episode in a long time so obviously you should check us out and help us out.
2. Get a really good nerdy friend. According to TV and movies one of the people in your friend group is already a crazy hacker or computer wiz. Trick them with candies and pizzas to build you a better site.
3. Give up and go with what ever option is the least awful of the premade templates.
Hope that helps!
PS: If anyone can actually just explain to me how to fix this... that would be solid. Unless we all are satisfied with the new look then it can stay. Please let me know!
I have a problem. I have been feeling incredibly guilty lately for a variety of reasons. How do you deal with guilt? I mean, I even feel guilty for not stealing the tiny monkey from the zoo? I am feeling guilty over not committing a crime! It is becoming a big problem.
Hi there Guilty Gertie,
Nice to hear from you, here is a few tips I have gathered over the years to stop the guilty feelings.
Tip #1: Realize that you will never once make anyone happy ever. That way, if you make someone smile even the slightest bit, you will be floored.
Tip #2: Shut down the parts of your brain that comprehend emotion. Replace that with the ever present sarcasm that will serve your bitter heart.
Tip #3: Always carry wire cutters so you can cut open the monkey enclosures at the zoo. Also, before you return to the zoo look up monkey enclosure information and exactly what they eat. You are likely going to need to turn your spare bedroom into a monkey home.
So good luck in your monkey hunt!
Also, don't steal my monkey. I will then be forced to hunt you.
Don't feel guilty! Get that monkey!
I haven't slept properly in a long time. Do you have some special tricks to sleep better?
Slumberless Sad Lady
Dear Slumberless Sad Lady,
Oh you silly fool, I have no advice for sleeping. Why would you ask me such nonsense? I have't slept in YEARS. Would like some tips to functions on no sleep? Here you go!
1. Give up on the thought that you will ever be rested. There is no rest. You will always have dark circles. Your eyes will be very poofy and bloodshot. Accept it.
2. You will need caffeine. I don't drink coffee and actually gave up caffeine a few years ago, but recent needs persisted and I have discovered Awake Chocolates. It is essentially a half a cup of coffee in a yummy snack. Eat or drink your life source and let it do the bare minimum to make your body move.
3. People will say you look tired or sick a lot. Invest in a good concealer or think up some really snappy comebacks. I usually go with the sarcastic and overly enthusiastic THANK YOU! Because it makes people feel bad and makes me feel like a bitch, which a tired girl needs to survive.
The moral of the story is, you will be tired but if you just keep moving you will probably make it through long enough to go to bed.
Good luck friend!
I am currently in the situation where I have to wait. I hate being patient. I am one of those annoyingly terrible Millennials that wants everything instantly. How can I be better at waiting?
Hurry up Already.
Dear Hurry up Already,
I feel your pain. The question you should really ask yourself when this situation presents itself is "What Would Hermoine Do?" Hermoine Granger is the world's most determined person in the world. She gets everything she wants and you know what, she doesn't have to wait for it. If Harry won't get his shit together fast enough to teach the 5th years how to fight, she started the club and just forced him to do it. Hermoine is the Boss Witch. Be Hermoine. WWHD.
Keep your chin up,
I have been working at a job that is not my favourite for several years now. It pays the bills but I don't find it fulfilling. However the hours are pretty satisfying and I sometimes get to leave early. Should I try to find a job that I enjoy more, or stick with the mediocrity so that I can go home early on Fridays?
The answer to your question depends on many factors.
1. Do you dread going to work?
2. Do you make a good salary?
3. Are there good options for lunch everyday?
I am afraid I cannot provide you with the right answer because I am not really in a position to judge, but I can say that if you work near your favourite food supplier whether it be a restaurant or a store, that is pretty awesome. Imagine if you worked somewhere where you had no access to snacks? Then you might be fulfilled in your work like, but your tummy will remain unsatisfied forever!
Point is, quit or don't quit, doesn't matter. Just make sure you work near good snacks.
You are welcome,
PS In case that didn't solve your problem, I will add a short poll for the readers to participate in. May they choose your fate wisely.
If you have a Question you would like answered, use the contact form below or on the contact page!
Oh the Sweet Gods of Creativity,
Your poor subject Tanya is begging for help.
She presents her sacrifice upon your alters:
Three unfinished manuscripts,
Two unedited podcasts,
And a bag of painting supplies,
In hopes that you will grant her with some creative inspiration.
Your gracious gifts have been appreciated in the past,
And while she may not always express her gratitude appropriately,
She is ever longing to prove that she deserves your attention.
Please do not fail her now.
I own a dog that I love very much however his obedience is sub-par. I wish to have a well trained dog but he sometimes just won't listen to me no matter what I try. I have read all the Dog Whisperer books but nothing works. Please help!
Dear Dog Dope,
Don't worry, everyone's dogs are usually pretty unreliable. From my understanding dogs are just an unpredictable creature that lives in your house and occasionally steals your cookies. Wait what? You say that most people's dogs are well behaved and don't even bark for no reason? And that their dog's don't sometimes pee inside their owner's shoes? I am sorry I will have to excuse myself while I go sell a kidney to pay for obedience school for my dogs.
If you would like a tip, don't do anything I do. My dogs are the worst.
(But I love them more than anything).
I have a question about women's fashion and I could think of no one better to ask. I am trying to define a style as I am getting older and feel like I should be more confident in my clothing choices. Lately I have been purchasing clothes that are louder than I used to wear, but that mostly means they have various floral patterns and sometimes bright colours. Is this okay? I am worried that people might judge me for my clothing.
Clothing Conundrum in Connecticut
Dear Clothing Conundrum,
Here is my thoughts about your issue, WEAR WHATEVER YOU WANT! Clothes are the worlds easiest way to express your innards. I mean, not your kidneys or intestines, but your inner most feelings and loves. For example, I love super heroes, so just about every casual t-shirt I own features every super hero imaginable. I also, just purchased overalls and while I am sure I look like an enormous toddler, I am going to wear them and hope for the best because it is my body and I need to learn to embrace it's weird shape. I mean, it takes practice probably right? I really don't know. About 80% of the clothes I own aren't seen by the public because I have no self-esteem, but for you Clothing Conundrum, you sound awesome so just do your thing.
Get it Girl.
Today I found myself spending an exuberant amount of money. Not on anything totally frivolous, but probably on things I don't need. How do I rub this behaviour in the future?
Dear Spendy Spendy,
Here is the thing, are you currently saving up for something important? Of course you are, we all are. I am currently planning eight trips, none of which have dates because I can't bring myself to stop spending all my money on weird new towel styles at HomeSense. My advice to you is, if you are going to buy stuff, at least by stuff you can justify, which it sounds like you already do. We all need Turkish Towels, they are all the rage right now. Who doesn't want a giant weirdly absorbent dish towel to dry their body off? Also, who doesn't need an organizer for under their bathroom sink? I am sorry what was your question again? Oh right, where is the best place to spend money right? No? Maybe I am not cut out for this advice game. So sorry Spendy, however if you ever need a not too frivolous shopping buddy, you know where to find me. (Hint, I am at home online shopping for dinosaur sheets for adults.)
Tonight is the finale of Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D and I am pretty sure the one who they have been claiming will die will be me. There is this "Fallen Agent" story line where they keep going on an on that someone will die...Depending on who they kill I don't know that I can survive.
So in case I die tonight, this is my will:
To Dave: I leave my annoying Pig dog and my pillows.
To Crystal: You can have my comic books and my regular books, and the task to delete all my browser histories. No one can know that I spend half my day googling the life spans of dinosaurs... I mean.. nothing. Also my Harry Potter wand. But promise to take it back to Orlando for me.
To Sandy: My nintendo devices, and my spice girl barbies. I know how much you've always wanted them. You haven't? You thought I threw them away decades ago? Well, jokes on you.
To my mom: You can have my selfies, you like my weird looking face right?
To my dad: The contents of my freezer are all yours. Unless Dave eats it all first. I mean, your fault for not reading this in time.
To my grandparents: My sincerest apologies for my behaviour in my life. Just pretend when I say swears that I am actually saying puppy instead. It will make things make a lot less sense but probably make the Grammie less unhappy.
To my aunty: My pig head silver thing. You know why. (nonsense is why)
So everyone, this is legal if I die probably... I mean, obviously not, but you know. Wish me luck watching Shield! I am genuinely terrified.