Today is the 4 anniversary of Winston being in my life.
4 years ago today I brought home Sir Winston Loo Dog Lewis Piggy Chauncey Snarf Monster Pugglesworth and he has been the main focus of my mind ever since .
The things I love most about him:
- Pretty much everything
The things I love least about him:
- He will never know the full extent to which I love his stupid face
(And i mean, sometimes he pees on stuff but mostly the other thing)
I think you should all follow him on instagram because I have become the kind of person who own a dog with their own instagram. I have accepted it so you should too.
There are dogs, and then there are good dogs. I mean, all dogs are good dogs, but there are a select few that are just the goodest of dogs.
What kind of grammatically incorrect nonsense is this? well, it is into incorrect at all. It is a concept we came up with at work the other day. Because all dogs are good dogs, how do you differentiate with those who are truly amazing?
They are the goodest.
Dogs like Jackson at work, who prompted this discussion, he is so lovely and happy.
Or Zuul the wiggly love monkey.
Or Noodle, the sassy lady.
Or Pess the particular princess.
Or Louis the tiny king.
Or Dresden the smart floof giant.
Or Varo the dorky dufus.
Or Winston, my lovely pug, he tries so so hard.
So many of the goodest dogs.
I love dogs, guys.
Like a lot.
Some say too much, I say no such thing.
The other day I brought Winston to work with me. Why? Because I like to make my life more difficult than it needs to be. Also because he is cute and funny to look at. Here is how the drive in went.
Me: Winston, you are coming to work with me! Get in the car!
Winston: OH BOY! CAR RIDE! COOL!
Me: Okay, let's roll!
Winston: OH GOD I HATE THIS! *whine whine whine*
Me: You were SO excited thirty seconds ago.
Winston: BUT ITS MOVING SO SLOW! GO FASTER! I ONLY LIKE MOVING FAST!
Me: Okay bud, there are speed limits I have to follow.
Winston: NO! DRIVE FAST! I'M FRIGHTENED!
Me: That makes no sense...
Winston: WHEN HAVE I EVER MADE SENSE!?
Me: Fair point. Shall I put on your favorite songs?
Winston: YES! HURRY!
Me: *puts on Winston's favorite CD: Backstreets Boys*
Winston: THAT'S GREAT! THANK YOU!
Me: Alright now stop whining.
Winston: MAYBE... WE'LL SEE. I WILL PROBABLY STOP FOR A BIT AND START AGAIN AS SOON AS YOU STOP THE CAR BUT I'LL BE FINE! MAYBE. PROBABLY. WE'LL SEE! CAN I SIT ON YOUR LAP? I KNOW YOU SAID I DON'T FIT BUT MAYBE IF I JUST, SQUEEZE IN THERE....
Me: SIT DOWN!
Winston: NO NEED TO BE MEAN!
Me: This is going to be a long ass drive to work...
Winston: BACKSTREETS BACK ALRIGHT!
Tanya: Hey Winston, why are you so itchy?
Winston: Well, you see I have decided to host a menagerie of pests.
Tanya: Okay but why...
Winston: It is fun to scratch!
Tanya: You are giving yourself bald spots dude? Stop scratching!
Winston: No! I like it!
Tanya: But your precious hairs buddy! You need those! Winter is coming!
Winston: I don't know what that means but I don't care!
Tanya: Winter is when all that cold white stuff sits on the ground and makes it slippy and wet when you try to pee.
Winston: NO! I hate that stuff. It is cold on my beautiful feet!
Tanya: I don't know that I would call your feet beautiful dude...
Winston: HOW DARE YOU!
Tanya: Sorry man, I am just a little annoyed about that you are full of annoying itchy bugs and getting them all over the house.
Winston: They are my friends though!
Tanya: They are quite literally drinking your blood.
Tanya: What did you think they were doing?
Winston: I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY FRIENDS!
Tanya: No.. Dude they are not. You have scabs. Friends don't give friends scabs.
All you student types are heading back to school and you might be wondering, what will this year be like? Will you be pretty, will you be rich, this is what your blog writer tells you to be. You know the rules, pick one then scroll to see your destiny!
Pick One TO Learn Your School Year Destiny
You will have an impressive academic accomplishment in your third month, but more impressively you will learn how to make the most perfect bowl of Kraft Dinner.
Your crafting skills are going to reach new heights in March.
You will learn how to clean your room really well during midterms and your last paper of the year is going to get a solid A-.
Your cell phone bill is going to end up really high one month so maybe watch the Data. Also make sure you invest in a solid pair of sweatpants because you will need them.
You will fall for a rock star first semester, but in the second semester they will get signed to a fancy label and they will demand you be their muse and ask you to follow them on tour but you refuse. You have way too much to do with school and exams, so you break it off with them and they write an entire album in your honour.
Latest conversation with the Dogs:
Winston: HEY! HEY! HEY! LOOK AT ME!
Winston: ARE YOU LOOKING! ARE YOU SEEING THIS!
Me: Yes... you look like you always do?
Winston: WHAT! LOOK AT ME! *spins* LOOK HOW HANDSOME I LOOK!
Me: Of course, yes?
Winston: YOU DON'T EVEN SEE IT DO YOU!? I HAVE A DASHING BANDANA ON! LOOK AT ME!
Me: Ohhhh, okay. Yes, it looks quite nice. Do you like it? Do you want me to take it off of you? *reaches to pull it off*
Winston: *Jumps Back* HOW DARE YOU! I AM A STYLE ICON!
Me: Oh, of course.
Winston: GO GET ME SIX MORE OF THESE I NEED ONE FOR EVERYDAY OF THE WEEK! I AM GOING TO START AN INSTAGRAM ACCOUNT! HOW DO I GET FOLLOWERS!? WHAT IS A FOLLOWER! WHAT IS INSTAGRAM! HELP ME I WANT TO LOOK FABULOUS!
Me: Calm down. I will get you some more relax!
Me: *whispers* My god he is demanding.
Winston: I HEARD THAT!
You cI am here today to paint a picture of my nights.
Tanya arrives home, greeted by dogs and briefly speaks with her significant other Dave who proceeds to head out to his shop to work on some things. Tanya sits to get to work on some assignments and the dogs take a fit.
Winston: Excuse me, *knocks at dor* Dave went outside and I would like to join him.
Tanya: No, you can't go in the shop it's dangerous out there and not fenced in so you will run away.
Noodle: I won't run away, I just need to check on him and make sure he is okay! You can't hide him from me he is mine! *whines at door persistently*
Tanya: I promise he is fine, and you are lying you just want to go bug the skunk that is in the forest.
Noodle: HORRENDOUS ACCUSATIONS! I WILL HAVE MY ATTOURNEY FILE A LAWSUIT AGAINST SUCH CLAIMS!
Tanya: *raises eyebrow*
Noodle: ... Okay. But please I love Dave so much more than you.
Tanya: That isn't helping your cause.
Winston: I LOVE EVERYONE PLEASE LET ME OUT!
Tanya: No! You can bug Dave when he is done.
Both Dogs: *BARKING WILDLY* I HEARD A NOISE IT MUST ME HE HAS RETURNED TO SAVE US FROM THIS EVIL WENCH!
Tanya: Yes, I will remember these comments when it comes time to buy the good treats or no treats at all...
Both Dogs: *silence* We love you.
Tanya: Uh huh...
Took him for a walk,
He got a little warm,
Now he's panting quite a bit,
With several gross snarfs.
Like any adult does, when I am getting ready for work I tend to take dance breaks with my dog. Winston loves to dance. However, Noodle, not so enthusiastic. Here is what happened this morning:
Me: I am running so late for work today, you know what would make everything better? If I took time away from my routine to dance in the general direction of my dogs who are staring at me as I smash various coloured items into my skin.
Winston: OH MY GOD SHE IS DANCING THIS IS MY MOMENT!
Winston: *Jump, jump dance, dance, spin, spin, twirl!*
Noodle: AGAIN... with the dancing. UGH!
Me: Noodle, don't you want to dance with us? *Dance Dance Dance*
Winston: Yeah Noodle! *Jump jump twirl dance* Dance with us.
Noodle: *Dry Heaves a bunch*
Me and Winston: Stop moving awkwardly.
Noodle: *Finishes dry heaving*
Me: I guess... no then right?
Winston: Yes that's a no.
Imagine if my dog Winston had a rap career? I feel like that would be the music best suited to his personality. What kind of songs would Winston write?
ThE Other Dogg
Super Sweet, Such a Scheme.
Never Nasty, Noteworthy
Agile and Adored,
Acrobatic and Awkward.
Reliable and Ready.
Fabulous and Flawless,
Fun, Free, Fearless
I am S to the N to the A the R the F
The other D O Double G
I'm the very best.