Hi, my name is Tanya and I am here to present to you a new and exciting project that has been recently developed by a team of genius scientists being hidden away to protect their identities.
THE INTROVERT REVITALIZATION PROJECT (IRP)
What is IRP you ask? Well, IRP takes your average introvert and places them in a cocoon of warm and comfortable gel that allows them the rest and retreat from the world that they need, especially after those long holiday parties and extra busy work days.
IRP has a special program that is able to fully scan your body, adopt your mannerisms and access your memories to create a robotic copy of you that you can send out on your behalf until your metaphorical meter is filled and you no longer feel like your brain will explode! These copies are so advanced that no one but you will know they are not real!
If you call now, you can order our special Deck the Decoy model that comes complete with holiday sweater and the ability to answer the questions "How is work?" and "How have you been lately?" without hesitation or sarcasm!
The IRP has a limited number of copies for the time being given that it is in its initial testing phase, but if you are interested in taking part in this trial please get in contact with us as soon as possible.
Possible Side EFfects and Known Bugs:
Gel has potential to cause some side effects after rest period, known side effects include and are not limited to:
CALL NOW TO BOOK YOUR TEST DRIVE IN THE NEWEST TECHNOLOGY TO SAVE YOURSELF FROM YOURSELF!
My Best Friend Crystal is a very well-read individual. She reads more than anyone I know who isn't a fictional character. This year she was talking about this reading challenge thing that seemed very cool. You have 50 categories that totals out to 52 books (one category is a trilogy). It sounded very fun to me at the time because reading is always something I want to do but never make the time for it.
I started late but because I had been in Cuba and read nearly five books in a week I was still on track. I am currently one book behind schedule having read 10 books so far but I think I will be able to catch up because one category is a graphic novel so I can read that super quick and be caught up.
So far this year I have read around three thousandish pages of text. At least according to the very ridiculous spreadsheet I made. If there is anything my OCD mother taught me was, compulsive calorie awareness, and spreadsheet making. We love a good chart. You should see what happens if we make calorie charts. SHIT GETS INTENSE.
Anyways the point of the story is.... Well I was hoping I was going to think of a point by the time I got to the end of the sentence but I got distracted by the fact that I want ice-cream. Crap.
The main point (I guess) is that I think I might be proud of myself for trying to do this. I will likely not read all 52 books because that's a lot of books. But even trying is more then I would have been capable of five to ten years ago. In high school I couldn't even finish one book in the entire four year span let alone ten books in eleven weeks. PROGRESS!
Now if only I could write a book as quick as I could read one. Then I could stop working at a job I hate with a schedule I hate with situations I hate. I am a hateful person I guess but that is just another Pro into the "Tanya working alone in the safety of her own home" category I think.
Anyways I need to go find some food type things. Perhaps I will go to the store. If anyone wants to provide me with book suggestions I would greatly appreciate it. Nothing too crazy long, I am a robot but as previously mentioned, a shitty one who can't really compute too well.
I am a robot - but a shitty one. I am like a defective Roomba that doesn't clean it just eats your socks. Then it gets clogged and breaks because a Roomba is not built to clean up your socks. Clean up your own damn socks. The socks are a metaphor. See how good at painting word pictures I am?
Let's pretend that never happened.
Anyways. I am a Robot that tried to do stuff its not supposed to do and then essentially blows up. What kinds of things do my robot programming allow me to do? Write, obviously, look at this gold. I am also supposed to wear sweatpants and/or other pants that are non-restrictive and comfortable. I am also supposed to eat ice cream and hang out with only people I like which, let's be honest, are few and far between.
Instead I am forced to work like a crazy person at a job where no one likes me and get bossed around even though I am in all reality the boss. So explain that one to me the internet.
So either I need to change my robot programming to better enjoy being a piece of garbage robot that can somehow learn to pick up dirty socks, or I need to be relocated to a place where I can actually do what I am built for, light dusting and let's be real here, mostly just to carry around cats so they can become internet celebrities.
I am trying I guess. Not really, I am always saying that I am trying but in all honesty I have taken no real actions towards getting better at what I want to do. Although I did start this blog! PROGRESS! Also I entered a writing contest that I have very minimal chance of even being considered but you know what I tried and that is something.
Moral of the story is, I am not going to pick up your damn socks forever world so you better buy a new robot. Or I mean, try to get that maid robot from the Jetson's because she seems to be alright.