It is the weekend. Want to know how to best handle the time of the two days you get to have fun?
HOW TO: Weekend
It is the Etiquette of Sweating: AKA Sweatequette.
Here is everything you need to know.
STEP ONE: Relax a bit
We all sweat. It happens. It's pretty natural. I mean, some people sweat more than others, but don't panic. It isn't the end of the world if you end up with some sweat on you.
STEP TWO: Don't Be a dick
If you see someone is clearly sweating, there is no need to point it out. Unless they are your very best friend and they are in a situation in which something can be done about it, there is no reason to point it out. What is someone with back sweat marks going to do while they are out at the park? Almost nothing other than stress about it. Instead, how about you buy them a nice popsicle and cool them down a bit huh? Be cool, man.
STEP THREE: Treat Others as you Wish to Be Treated
If you know you smell bad, don't run up and hug others. You wouldn't want that happening to you. Or if you are in a public situation like a bus, don't force someone's face into your smelly armpit. Think of how sad you would be if that were you? Be conscious of your smell and sweat levels to be courteous to others.
The perfect Sundae
4 Cups Vanilla Ice Cream
1 Tbsp Rainbow Sprinkles
2 Small Handfuls of Mini Chocolate Chips
1 Drizzle of Chocolate Sauce (Preferably that Hardens)
MASH TOGETHER AND SHOVEL INTO MOUTH
The Perfect Pizza
Cheese on top
Not too much sauce
COOK IT AND STUFF IT INTO MOUTH
THe Perfect Snack
Many Handfuls of Chips (flavour of your choice)
FILL HAND WITH CHIPS AND VIOLENTLY PUSH THEM INTO MOUTH
The Perfect Day
Quality Wifi and Working Computer
Unlimited Snacks Stocked
Well Behaved Dogs
Charged Cell Phone
Good Hair Day
Brain Full of Creative Ideas.
OBTAIN SNACKS, COMPUTER, PHONE, AND DOGS, SIT DOWN AND ENJOY.
Today I braved the scariest place in the suburban world: Costco.
I have some tips to survive such an environment and also some advice for those who currently shop there. Mostly, just some complaints about the dummies who shop there.
TIP #1: parking Spots Further From the door Work just the same as the others.
At the particular Costco I frequent, there is a tendency for people to attempt to pull into the first lane that leads to the parking spaces closest to the door. The issue with this is that it blocks the entire intersection as other people leave. They ignore the fact that there are perfectly good spots, some of which JUST AS CLOSE, one or two lanes up that they could pull into without stopping traffic as much. So I just suggest that you keep driving for an extra second to save everyone from silently wishing curses upon you and your family.
Tip #2: When you arrive in the store, do not stop in the doorway.
One of the most annoying things that people do is the full-stop as soon as they make it in the store. It is as though they forgot how large and terrifying a warehouse environment can be. Here is some advice for you who feel the need to stop in the doorway: If you don't want to get hit by giant carts, get the hell out of the way okay? It isn't that scary, and if you really feel like you need a second to gather your thoughts, MOVE TO THE SIDE. Some of us know how to handle our box stores and have other places to go... like Wendy's and stuff.
Tip #3: Always Pull Over if You need a Break.
Essentially the same as Tip #2 but I feel like it needs another point here. Even in the aisles, I swear if you don't pull over I will have cursed you to grow hair in unfavourable locations, like your palms or ear lobes.
Tip #4: Everyone Needs to Chill Out.
There are of course some good deals, but also, chill out. There is no need to push and shove or glare at others who are taking one thing off the mountain of things. I am sorry, did you want to buy 375 copies of The Hunger Games Trilogy? I mean, it is a fantastic series but you just need one. So relax okay?
Tip #5: Samples, Samples, Samples.
If you ever need a quick lunch and aren't too picky about what you want, just go to Costco. You can wander around and try out so many samples of tasty snacks and if you do your laps properly you will be pretty satisfied. Last time I went I had Chicken Parm and fudgecicles. I mean, a bite of each but whatever. I bet if you take more than one they wouldn't really be able to do anything. What do you think they could really do... revoke your membership? Over stealing countless tiny pieces of cheese? That seems unlikely. I think that might be a "frowned upon" type deal vs a real actionable offence. If you have other information please let me know though so I don't end up in a predicament.
What people want: Quality advice from educated experts.
What people will get: Debatable advice from a girl with chip crumbs on her chest.
Since the invention of Dry Shampoo, how often do you really need to wash your hair? Just never. It is so much work to wash your hair with regular shampoo. They expect you to lather, rinse AND REPEAT?! Who has time for that? No thank you, I will just spray some weird substance and scratch it through my scalp and watch as the oils vanish and repeat that until my hair starts to hurt from being so so gross.
Once your hair gets greasy enough, it will hold the style with it's own natural grease instead of needing to add hairspray to it. Also the dry shampoo you used to try to tame it will likely give it enough volume that you will be all set.
Styling is your hair is bad for you
If you do your hair nice one day, than someone will compliment you. Then the next day and the day after when you resume regular activities and tuck those greasy strands behind your ears you will be sad when you no longer receive praise. Save yourself those feelings of hurt and rejection, just never style it to begin with.
Tousled Waves Are In Style
Some call it tousled, I call it "An Excuse to sleep with wet hair and leave your house without using any hair appliances". Rock that rat's nest of a hair do and if anyone asks claim you just left the beach.
I have discussed this before in detail but for some reason the world just doesn't seem to listen. It's as though my tiny blogs read only by a small number of people aren't getting through to the general populous.
I want to know what is the mind set of a person who enters a public bathroom. What decides which stall you will take. None of it is going to be prime real estate I can guarantee you that. It is all pretty gross. Now, short of an un-flushed toilet or a mysterious liquid on the ground they are assumedly all the same.
When you enter an empty washroom, you get the run of the place. You choose which ever tiny pee-cubicle pleases you most. The moment there is another human in the room, you need to watch where you go.
It is only common sense that you should, when given the opportunity, not choose the stall (or urinal I assume this would be just as horrible) directly beside the one currently in use.
If you are in a bathroom with three or more stalls and you have a chance to not pee within a foot of another human even though there is a metal divider between you, take it. I have no desire in any weird recess of my mind to hear what your urine stream sounds like. The only thing I want to do is pee and return to my movie, shopping, meal or what have you that I am engaging in that requires me to use a public washroom.
Public situations are horrible enough, then to have to be forced to use a public washroom and have to hear someone peeing right beside you, or you know... the other thing, is just gross.
There should be a universally understood rule that in a washroom environment, you always put one buffer stall in between people, until that washroom is too full and then feel free to use every stall I am not some kind of monster that will force you to wait until stall 3 opens up before you can relieve yourself after drinking a 4L soda while watching the most recent Melissa Mcarthy comedyt. I understand the need to urinate and I understand that sometimes you are forced to pick that stall. But when you are in an empty bathroom - as evidenced by me tonight at the movies - and you pick the stall next to me to let out a big ol' fart... just... come on.