Today is the 4 anniversary of Winston being in my life.
4 years ago today I brought home Sir Winston Loo Dog Lewis Piggy Chauncey Snarf Monster Pugglesworth and he has been the main focus of my mind ever since .
The things I love most about him:
- Pretty much everything
The things I love least about him:
- He will never know the full extent to which I love his stupid face
(And i mean, sometimes he pees on stuff but mostly the other thing)
I think you should all follow him on instagram because I have become the kind of person who own a dog with their own instagram. I have accepted it so you should too.
The other day I brought Winston to work with me. Why? Because I like to make my life more difficult than it needs to be. Also because he is cute and funny to look at. Here is how the drive in went.
Me: Winston, you are coming to work with me! Get in the car!
Winston: OH BOY! CAR RIDE! COOL!
Me: Okay, let's roll!
Winston: OH GOD I HATE THIS! *whine whine whine*
Me: You were SO excited thirty seconds ago.
Winston: BUT ITS MOVING SO SLOW! GO FASTER! I ONLY LIKE MOVING FAST!
Me: Okay bud, there are speed limits I have to follow.
Winston: NO! DRIVE FAST! I'M FRIGHTENED!
Me: That makes no sense...
Winston: WHEN HAVE I EVER MADE SENSE!?
Me: Fair point. Shall I put on your favorite songs?
Winston: YES! HURRY!
Me: *puts on Winston's favorite CD: Backstreets Boys*
Winston: THAT'S GREAT! THANK YOU!
Me: Alright now stop whining.
Winston: MAYBE... WE'LL SEE. I WILL PROBABLY STOP FOR A BIT AND START AGAIN AS SOON AS YOU STOP THE CAR BUT I'LL BE FINE! MAYBE. PROBABLY. WE'LL SEE! CAN I SIT ON YOUR LAP? I KNOW YOU SAID I DON'T FIT BUT MAYBE IF I JUST, SQUEEZE IN THERE....
Me: SIT DOWN!
Winston: NO NEED TO BE MEAN!
Me: This is going to be a long ass drive to work...
Winston: BACKSTREETS BACK ALRIGHT!
Winston: HEY! WAKE UP!
Me: No. It's 4 in the morning. Go away.
Winston: But I want food and I want to go pee and I want peanut butter and I want to dance a million dances before the sun comes up!
Me: NO. It's early.
Winston: Alright if that's how it's going to be... *STANDS ON TANYA'S BODY*
Me: Ouch... get off of me!
Winston: *flops down and spreads his body across mine* NO! Take me outside.
Me: FINE! God. So there, out you go.
Winston: Hang on, what's that?
Me: It's lightly drizzling. Go anyways.
Winston: No thanks. Bed time!
*FIVE MINUTES PASS*
Winston: I WANT TO GO PEE!
Me: We just did this it's raining.
Winston: No it's not don't be mean, take me.
Me: UGH fine.
*it's still raining*
Winston: It's raining.
Me: Yes, as I told you.
Winston: Make it stop.
Me: Can't, my weather powers don't wake up until 10:30am.
Winston: Don't be a jerk. Make it stop.
Me: I literally cannot. Just go pee dude it's not going to kill you.
Winston: I MIGHT DROWN!
Me: I 100% guarantee you will not.
Me: GO PEE DAMNIT!
Winston: Come with me, I'm frightened.
Me: You know, some days I really dislike you.
Winston: I love you too!
Tanya: Hey Winston, why are you so itchy?
Winston: Well, you see I have decided to host a menagerie of pests.
Tanya: Okay but why...
Winston: It is fun to scratch!
Tanya: You are giving yourself bald spots dude? Stop scratching!
Winston: No! I like it!
Tanya: But your precious hairs buddy! You need those! Winter is coming!
Winston: I don't know what that means but I don't care!
Tanya: Winter is when all that cold white stuff sits on the ground and makes it slippy and wet when you try to pee.
Winston: NO! I hate that stuff. It is cold on my beautiful feet!
Tanya: I don't know that I would call your feet beautiful dude...
Winston: HOW DARE YOU!
Tanya: Sorry man, I am just a little annoyed about that you are full of annoying itchy bugs and getting them all over the house.
Winston: They are my friends though!
Tanya: They are quite literally drinking your blood.
Tanya: What did you think they were doing?
Winston: I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY FRIENDS!
Tanya: No.. Dude they are not. You have scabs. Friends don't give friends scabs.
I would like to know what it would be like to be a dog. I am 100% certain I have said this before, but they have the most majestic lives. I mean, I guess it might be stressful for them when they don't understand that you will be back but just imagine it for a second...
Now you find a reason to tell me that this isn't amazing and I will ignore you because it sounds like the greatest.
Latest conversation with the Dogs:
Winston: HEY! HEY! HEY! LOOK AT ME!
Winston: ARE YOU LOOKING! ARE YOU SEEING THIS!
Me: Yes... you look like you always do?
Winston: WHAT! LOOK AT ME! *spins* LOOK HOW HANDSOME I LOOK!
Me: Of course, yes?
Winston: YOU DON'T EVEN SEE IT DO YOU!? I HAVE A DASHING BANDANA ON! LOOK AT ME!
Me: Ohhhh, okay. Yes, it looks quite nice. Do you like it? Do you want me to take it off of you? *reaches to pull it off*
Winston: *Jumps Back* HOW DARE YOU! I AM A STYLE ICON!
Me: Oh, of course.
Winston: GO GET ME SIX MORE OF THESE I NEED ONE FOR EVERYDAY OF THE WEEK! I AM GOING TO START AN INSTAGRAM ACCOUNT! HOW DO I GET FOLLOWERS!? WHAT IS A FOLLOWER! WHAT IS INSTAGRAM! HELP ME I WANT TO LOOK FABULOUS!
Me: Calm down. I will get you some more relax!
Me: *whispers* My god he is demanding.
Winston: I HEARD THAT!
You cI am here today to paint a picture of my nights.
Tanya arrives home, greeted by dogs and briefly speaks with her significant other Dave who proceeds to head out to his shop to work on some things. Tanya sits to get to work on some assignments and the dogs take a fit.
Winston: Excuse me, *knocks at dor* Dave went outside and I would like to join him.
Tanya: No, you can't go in the shop it's dangerous out there and not fenced in so you will run away.
Noodle: I won't run away, I just need to check on him and make sure he is okay! You can't hide him from me he is mine! *whines at door persistently*
Tanya: I promise he is fine, and you are lying you just want to go bug the skunk that is in the forest.
Noodle: HORRENDOUS ACCUSATIONS! I WILL HAVE MY ATTOURNEY FILE A LAWSUIT AGAINST SUCH CLAIMS!
Tanya: *raises eyebrow*
Noodle: ... Okay. But please I love Dave so much more than you.
Tanya: That isn't helping your cause.
Winston: I LOVE EVERYONE PLEASE LET ME OUT!
Tanya: No! You can bug Dave when he is done.
Both Dogs: *BARKING WILDLY* I HEARD A NOISE IT MUST ME HE HAS RETURNED TO SAVE US FROM THIS EVIL WENCH!
Tanya: Yes, I will remember these comments when it comes time to buy the good treats or no treats at all...
Both Dogs: *silence* We love you.
Tanya: Uh huh...
Took him for a walk,
He got a little warm,
Now he's panting quite a bit,
With several gross snarfs.
Like any adult does, when I am getting ready for work I tend to take dance breaks with my dog. Winston loves to dance. However, Noodle, not so enthusiastic. Here is what happened this morning:
Me: I am running so late for work today, you know what would make everything better? If I took time away from my routine to dance in the general direction of my dogs who are staring at me as I smash various coloured items into my skin.
Winston: OH MY GOD SHE IS DANCING THIS IS MY MOMENT!
Winston: *Jump, jump dance, dance, spin, spin, twirl!*
Noodle: AGAIN... with the dancing. UGH!
Me: Noodle, don't you want to dance with us? *Dance Dance Dance*
Winston: Yeah Noodle! *Jump jump twirl dance* Dance with us.
Noodle: *Dry Heaves a bunch*
Me and Winston: Stop moving awkwardly.
Noodle: *Finishes dry heaving*
Me: I guess... no then right?
Winston: Yes that's a no.