It is 4pm on Saturday and I have been sitting here for a solid 8 hour shift. I have only gotten up to get snacks, go pee, and let the dogs in and out a thousand times. I am starting to develop a theory about the couch because the only logical explanation of how I have been here so long is it is a trap?
I am pretty certain that a magnet was implanted in my butt at some point, by the Netflix people probably, who installed an opposing one in my couch so that when I sit down I get a little bit stuck. Not enough that it is like, "Oh man I can't move," But just enough so its comfortable to sit, and annoying to get up. That way I will consume all of their content.
This theory may sound crazy, but you should know that I am a licensed theorist (no I am not , that is not a thing) so you have to take me seriously.
I assume that once you sign up for your free trial they send the magnet over via secret magnet assassin, and implants them in your couch and all so that when you do the free trial you are like, oh man I need to do this forever, and then sign up and never move again. Also, magnets are part of that weird system where people wear bracelets and then their joints feel nice, so Netflix gets to write off all the magnets as a medical expense while also making everyone feel nice for watching their programming.
I swear I am not crazy.... please don't send me back there I MEAN NOTHING.
Have a nice productive afternoon. I know I won't.