I have never actually dated properly. I have been in the same relationship since I was 16... So clearly the most qualified person to give you advice on your interactions that may or may not lead to a relationship is this guy. Here are some fool proof dating tips from someone who knows absolutely nothing.
Don't Order the Most Expensive Dish, Order the dish with the greasiest amount of food
You always hear that you should order something fancy so they know you are a class act worth the big bucks, at least that is what 90s television taught me. Instead, my suggestion is to order the biggest most greasiest meal possible. At a steakhouse? You get that big ol' steak and baked potato with literally every topping on it. You go to a Mexican place? Devour that Burrito smothered in cheese sauce and four kinds of meat. You go to a fast food place (The perfect place for a first date) and you get at least two kinds of meat burgers and the biggest size fry possible. If they can't tolerate you at your most gluttonous... what is the point?
Look a Medium amount of good
For the ladies, don't wear your best dress on the first date. Wear you third or forth best dress. Save the best dress for a latter date when they have deemed themselves worthy. For the Gents, look good, smell good, don't be perfect though. It's about managing expectations guys. If you set this immediate standard of perfection you will never be able to regain that and then you will just always be swimming against the current.
Don't take it all so seriously
Here is the most important advice I can possibly think of. Dating is kind of shitty from what I hear, there is a lot of shitty humans in any situation, but when you are trying to find someone to spend more time with and trust that is even harder. Try not to force it, and just try to have fun. If they turn out to be awful, make the date AS AWFUL as possible. At least then you will have a hilarious story for your future memoir or podcast right?
So there you have it. Dating advice from someone who has never dated. If you have any other advice you think people should know feel free to share it in the comments!