So I was under the impression that I did a post the other day. My phone said it posted. Granted I had no internet and spotty reception but it said that it went up. Now it is just a ghost post.
Man, now I can pretend that it was really good. I mean, obviously it was solid gold. Like all the other things I made in my life that just mysteriously vanished.
Remember that movie I made that was nominated for oscars? Never saw it? Hmm. ... GHOST MOVIE. (Not to be confused with the movie Ghost).
Remember that book of essays I published three years ago that hit the NYT Bestseller list for a couple months? No? Didn't read it? GHOST BOOK.
Remember that really impressive and heartfelt play I wrote that was on broadway for six months? No? GHOST PLAY.
Remember that two year span that I was writing witty editorials for that really famous newspaper? No of course not because, GHOST JOURNALISM!
How nice would it be to write out a resume and just type all the things that you would have liked to do instead of what you actually did. And then when they ask for your references or to describe your experience you just throw one of those smoke grenades and yell something mythical and whimsical like... CHEESE TACOS.
And then they will be so confused that they won't really want to question you given your elaborate display of confident behaviour and they will just give you the job that you want, no matter of your actual qualifications.