You know what doesn't look cute on the hanger? Dresses bigger than a size 4. I love you Modcloth but your sizing makes me feel like garbage. I don't even want to try on the dress yet because I don't think my self esteem can handle it today because just by looking at it, I can tell it will still be snug.
Why can't I be one of those horrible people who have crazy fast metabolisms and can eat anything without ever stopping or gaining any weight? Instead I am one of those chumps who can eat 1200 calories in a day and STILL gain weight.
It is pretty stupid but it is also my fault. I tend to try to eat the allotted calories that will allow me to lose weight, and I will work out, but only for two days, then get immediately sad when I don't wake up as a size two and then eat a tub of ice-cream. For some weird reason this doesn't seem to be conducive to weight loss.
I did go to the gym today. I did a fair amount of weight lifting so tomorrow I won't be able to reach above my head so I have that to look forward to. I am currently trying to work on getting my heart rate to stay at a lower level. I am trying to do the "Fat Burn" option on the treadmill because that is my main concern right now, but it goes by heart rate and I am pretty sure my standing heart rate is almost at the level that they want it to be to lose weight.
I know this means I am just THAT out of shape, but I don't understand how to fix it. I guess the way to fix it is not to give up after two days but it is really hard when you don't wake up in Jennifer Lawrence's body. If I could trade bodies with anyone for one day I think I would pick hers. But I wouldn't want to force her to be stuck in mine so we would have to set up some weird domino exchange policy where I get hers and then she could borrow say, Emma Watson, who would go a classy route like Meryl Steep who would go crazy and go for Jennifer Lopez who would try something completely opposite from her body and go for an Olsen Twin who would likely go for someone as original as possible (you know after a life of being a twin) like a Lady Gaga. Lady Gaga would probably want to go even crazier and go for like, Richard Simmons who would want to go for someone buff like Arnold Schwarzenegger, who would want someone buff but younger, like Chris Hemsworth who would probably go for someone like Benedict Cumberbatch because he would want the lack of upper body weight. Those muscles must be heavy, dreamy but heavy. So Now we have a whole big line of weird soulless bodies in a pile, and then you just know someone would come and steal them for their own purposes so we would have to get people to fill them for the time being. Like seat fillers at the oscars. Except body fillers to prevent someone from living in the celebrity bodies while they made room for me to have one day in a beautiful body.
This took a weird turn. I don't even want to reread this to see if there are mistakes be this whole thing was a mistake.
Did you read this? You are crazy. You can have my body... You earned it. I don't really need it back. I don't think JLaw would mind. As long as she takes her acting talents with her I am sure she would be okay.