Today I braved the scariest place in the suburban world: Costco.
I have some tips to survive such an environment and also some advice for those who currently shop there. Mostly, just some complaints about the dummies who shop there.
TIP #1: parking Spots Further From the door Work just the same as the others.
At the particular Costco I frequent, there is a tendency for people to attempt to pull into the first lane that leads to the parking spaces closest to the door. The issue with this is that it blocks the entire intersection as other people leave. They ignore the fact that there are perfectly good spots, some of which JUST AS CLOSE, one or two lanes up that they could pull into without stopping traffic as much. So I just suggest that you keep driving for an extra second to save everyone from silently wishing curses upon you and your family.
Tip #2: When you arrive in the store, do not stop in the doorway.
One of the most annoying things that people do is the full-stop as soon as they make it in the store. It is as though they forgot how large and terrifying a warehouse environment can be. Here is some advice for you who feel the need to stop in the doorway: If you don't want to get hit by giant carts, get the hell out of the way okay? It isn't that scary, and if you really feel like you need a second to gather your thoughts, MOVE TO THE SIDE. Some of us know how to handle our box stores and have other places to go... like Wendy's and stuff.
Tip #3: Always Pull Over if You need a Break.
Essentially the same as Tip #2 but I feel like it needs another point here. Even in the aisles, I swear if you don't pull over I will have cursed you to grow hair in unfavourable locations, like your palms or ear lobes.
Tip #4: Everyone Needs to Chill Out.
There are of course some good deals, but also, chill out. There is no need to push and shove or glare at others who are taking one thing off the mountain of things. I am sorry, did you want to buy 375 copies of The Hunger Games Trilogy? I mean, it is a fantastic series but you just need one. So relax okay?
Tip #5: Samples, Samples, Samples.
If you ever need a quick lunch and aren't too picky about what you want, just go to Costco. You can wander around and try out so many samples of tasty snacks and if you do your laps properly you will be pretty satisfied. Last time I went I had Chicken Parm and fudgecicles. I mean, a bite of each but whatever. I bet if you take more than one they wouldn't really be able to do anything. What do you think they could really do... revoke your membership? Over stealing countless tiny pieces of cheese? That seems unlikely. I think that might be a "frowned upon" type deal vs a real actionable offence. If you have other information please let me know though so I don't end up in a predicament.